allimom
A Day In The Life

You can't teach a dog to throw itself in the fire when you only reward it with candies.

You have to find the deeper root, the reason why they won't do it, why they don't care. Do they even know why their studying? What do they want to do later on? Is there a lot of insulting against them at school, are they in a group of people and try to be cool?

Your fighting a disease where you only know the symptoms and don't care for the cause.

And btw... your their mom, their 14... your opinion doesnt have the slightest value to them, so don't try to persuade them yourself its not gonna lead anywhere.

You can always try showing them a really crappy neighbourhood with lots of junkies and make them go in the alleys during the day and show them where they could end up... A good scare always works :)

I too have often prayed for military school (sadly not an option in NZ) and bang my head against the "what NOW?" wall. I think sometimes we do have to just let go and let them fail. It doesnt mean we dont care, just the oposite. The short answer is you cant. There is no way to make someone care when they dont. You give it your all and thats all you can do. Best of luck staying sane =)

-pk-

PS- ya know its getting kinda spooky reading someone else voicing my thoughts!

Oy vey. At least I have a bit over a decade to com up with a plan for when Jujube does this. I have nothing productive to add.

Sounds painful, I cannot imagine not caring, I loved school!

Maybe TV isn't a reward/punishment enough, they can always watch at friends places,a nd having your own tv probably isn't too huge a deal these days. Do they have cell phones/ take them away! Most teenagers HATE that these days.

What about a reward like redecorating hteir rooms? Or is that too girly?

still no luck on the gypsies huh? how bout a travelling circus?

-pk-

Lordy girl, I could have written that article myself twenty years ago. It sounds just like my sons and ten millions of others.
You cannot force anything into their thick skulls.
To them we are just 'moms' we are dumb and no nothing about nothing....As if we never went to school, yeah right.
It is a normal thing for a fourteen year old to think, so.... it is up to us to talk on their level and....use physicolgy(sp?) with them.
But they NEVER told us how to do it. So I too gave up.
Now we all are having the price for it.
We are damned if we do and damned if we don't.
Good luck.

I hope you have a good day.
Honey

I think the age 14 is the worst age for any parent of boys. Even my son who was always an "A" student decided to take the eighth grade year off. Threatening summer school or a grade repeat was the only way to motivate him to return to his former honor student behavior.
The main thing that has kept my kids motivated about school is that we have brain washed them from the time they were babies. We taught them that you can only have a nice life, and things you want to buy if you have a good job, and to get the good jobs you MUST attend college and get a degree. They understand that in order to get to college they have to do well in school now or they will not make it in college. We talk about their future goals all the time. We take every opportunity to remind them that if they want something that costs money they had better do well in school. Now they do well because THEY care about what their futures will be like. So now, it is self-motivation on their part and support on our part.

In your kids situation and because they are not as mature as they could be for their age, I would definitely have them repeat the eighth grade. They are not ready to be in a high school environment. If they have failed to produce work in eighth grade then High School will be even more difficult. High schools expect the kids by the ninth grade, to act more adult and they give them more work to be responsible for then they had in middle school. Teachers in high school do not communicate with parents hardly at all.

On the subject of private schools, you might consider this. If the boys are having any behavior problems, and their work is poor, then a private school can just kick them out. Private schools are not required by law to let your boys attend. Usually they keep "trouble" kids out. That is part of what makes them more attractive to most parents. I would hate to see you pay allot of money just to be told you have to come get them and find another school to go to. Private schools standards of behavior are much higher then they are in public schools. If they tolorate even less they your kids could be in trouble even more.

Association of Gypsie/Romanie International

http://www.christusrex.org/www2/gypsies.net/

You can probably find your local chapter through them.

i always tried my best at school, and never got anywhere, i could never understand it. when i was 16, i took 13 exams at two different levels and failed the lot. my school decided i was clever, and it was my fault that i wasn't acheiving anything. because i was quiet and kept my head down, i was overlooked.

it was only about 10 years ago that i was diagnosed as dyslexic, yet my IQ is around 125.

i've now started getting qualifications that are relevant to me and will be useful to me, and only recently (as you know)i've actually got a job a love, for which my qualifications didn't count.

i've had two shots at going to uni and it didn't work, but i have made progress with correspondance courses.

not sure where this is heading, i know your lads have problems, have they been tested for dyslexia?

otherwise, theres not much you can do about it, perhaps if they fail, it might give them the kick up the @rse that they need...

didn't realise i'd written a mini essay! lol!

oh brother. have you found any gypsies yet??