Love means, you are ALWAYS completely honest about how you feel about everything, but your partner loves you back so much that no matter what you think, they know and you know, you love each other.
Yes, and no.
Example:
In the first weeks of my marriage, my husband made a wonderful spaghetti dinner for the two of us. He did this as a surprise before I got home from work. I arrived home to find the table set, dinner made and nothing for me to do but enjoy.
I so much loved this. My husband loved me enough to do this for me. It was not until later that I let him know that I despise spaghetti. At that moment, I was not about to be honest about how I felt about it.
Comment:
You hold no grudges, and NEVER have ANY secrets.
Sounds good, and in a world without conflict and people who do not have strong opinions it may be a reality.
Do I have secrets from my husband? Yes. Are they secrets that have anything to do with our relationship? Not really. These secrets vary from what I am going to get him for his birthday, to my opinion about various things in his life or choices he has made. These items are not important enough for me to bring up and possibly start an argument about. For me a secret is something you don't tell someone about. They are not soap operaish topics that would threaten someone's life or well being. Do I tell my husband that when he wears his favorite sweatshirt around the house that he looks like hell? No, I keep that a secret. He loves that shirt, I wouldn't do that to him.
Do my husband and I hold grudges against each other? Occasionally. We started to have an argument a few nights ago about the things I cook for dinner. He lost his temper and stormed off, I took off in the car to drive around and cool off. The argument was never resolved and there is still this little itch inside of me that wants to resolve it. That is what I call a grudge. I probably won't say anything since I don't want another argument with him and in the long run it is not an important issue. On the other hand, if the little itch grows bigger I will let him know that I still have unresolved feelings about it and ask if we can discuss it.
Comment:
Being in love with someone is knowing that person and how he or she feels about everything.
I disagree. While my husband and I love each other very much and know a great deal about each other, we rediscover each other every day. There are things we learn daily because we are evolving daily. Should we have stayed the exact same persons we were when we were kids we might know EVERYTHING about each other. That sounds incredibly boring to me and I can't imagine stagnating in life and never growing and learning. While I can tell anyone how my husband feels about asparagus, I can't tell you how he feels about the foreign trade embargoes today. I can tell you how he feels about coming home to a cluttered home with the children running around being noisy, but I cannot tell you how he feels about the philosophy of sports.
Comment:
Most people who love each other enough to be married think alike about all the fundamentals so there is no problem of having to understand the other person. You have to agree on all the basics in life to be happily married. Like religion, politics, how to raise children, how to have your home. Those are the basics of how people live their lives so you should agree on all those things.
That is one person's opinion. While my husband and I were raised in similar environments, we were raised quite differently. By all standards I would call my husbands family Democratic. I was raised with staunch Republicans. He has not commented much on the Theological philosophies he was raised with or that his family has. My family frequently went to worship, the denomination varied depending on where we lived and what kind of community the church was. If I had to pin anything down, I would say I was primarily raised Presbyterian, but I now call myself a Lutheran. My husband also calls himself a Lutheran, but that is due to my opinion. His opinions were not strong enough on the subject to raise any objections or request looking at other denominations.
Now, with our different backgrounds, do we agree on how to raise our children? Mostly. There are a few things, such as if they should work as teens, what the chore responsibilities should cover, whether the kids should be REQUIRED to eat their veggies. None of these things are big enough to cause much of a major fuss. As these things come up we address them. Sometimes we decide to go with his opinions, and others we decide to go with mine. While we have never agreed 100% at the onset of any given subject, we adapt and compromise to find a way to deal with it that everyone can live with. Even then, we don't always see eye to eye, but continue to work together.
Comment:
Seeing eye, to eye, and understanding a person completely,down to their soul, never holding secrets, and knowing them completely, right down to all their likes and dislikes is a true intimate relationship.
While I'm sure this scenario makes a wonderful relationship, I don't believe it holds true for every good relationship. I believe you can have a true intimate relationship without these things. I believe it is the differences between people, which enriches a relationship and keeps it exciting. While I understand many things about my husband, there are some things I don't understand. This does not mean I don't know about them, just that I don't understand them.
Back to the secrets issue, there are things that happened in our lives prior to our relationship. Some of them we may never share, some we may. If we don't tell each other about them, that classifies it as a secret. Does that change the dynamics of our relationship? No. I find that it enriches our relationship to discover new things about each other.
Do I know ALL my husbands’ likes and dislikes? No. I know most of them, and I know the ones required in our daily lives. But I don't know all of them. Again that gets back to the rediscovery issue.
Comment:
If you have to hide how you feel about ANYTHING then it is not an honest relationship, if it is not honest then there won't be mutual respect and intimate feelings. All those "little" differances and secerets will build a wedge between two people, and then you do not have true love.
Again I disagree. There are times you may not agree with your partner, but you love that person enough to compromise your feelings/wants/desires to make them happy. I don't feel this is dishonest. How can compromise be dishonest? If your partner goes nuts living in a manner with which you were raised, but you have no strong opinions about it, you adapt. Is this dishonest?
I don't feel that our differences build a wedge between us. I don't like spaghetti, but make it for my husband frequently and have even learned to like it (but only if I make it and it does not come from a jar...back to that adaptation thing). My husband is not wild about veggies, but with enough ketchup he will eat them. Does this build a wedge between us? No. While these are just mild examples of some of the issues people deal with in daily life, the same holds true for the more major issues. Compromise and adaptation are what build bridges between two people to bring them to a new ground in which to work together.
The diversity between my husband and I makes our marriage wonderful. We are both adaptable people who are willing to compromise. I can see how the same type of diversities could tear apart people who are less adaptable and not willing to compromise.
In a relationship there is no black and white, but a rainbow of colors to enrich your life and love.