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Things I've Learned From Children (Mine And Others) Through The Years
Sat Sep 08 2007

The following is a list of things I either learned personally from my kids, their friends, or was overheard in various locations from other parents talking about the misadventures of their children.


NEVER use the words Dog, Peanut Butter, and Duct Tape in the same sentence anywhere your children can hear you. The results just aren't pretty, take my word for this.


Young children (14 and under depending on the intelligence and whether or not other children dare them) will find the razor you keep in the shower.

Young children (see age parameters above) can shave a pile of hair approximately 2 inches high from the arms, legs, and parts of the heads, of 4 children.

The parents of the other children are NEVER happy about this.

Neither are you.

Particularly the day before school pictures.


Young children (much younger than the age parameters above) will try to take their pet goldfish to bed with them in order to cuddle with the aforementioned fish during the night.

There is no goldfish alive on the planet that can survive this experience.


Children like to draw on the bottoms of their shoes with various colors of ink.

Children occasionally/frequently (depending on the time of year) don't take their shoes off when they come into the house.

Rubbing alcohol will take out some sneaker shaped and patterned ink spots from your carpet.

It will not get all of the spots.


Crisco and the neighbors cat is never a good combination.

Your pet dog will eat an entire can of Crisco left where a child leaves it when he or she chases after the cat.

Crisco seems to have a laxative effect on animals.

A dog eating an entire can of Crisco is NEVER a good thing.

Dogs should be kept outdoors for 2 days following his or her consumption of an entire can of Crisco.


Sneakers put into the dryer to dry them off following any type of water fight make a LOT of noise.

Bra's and sneakers should never be run through the dryer, particularly together.

The same goes for any delicate articles of clothing.

And Beanie Babies.


A curious child, a gas grill, and a new box of crayons, should NEVER be in the same location at the same time.


Baking soda and vinegar work fairly well cleaning out a sink drain.

They do NOT work well cleaning out the gas tank on a lawn mower.

Putting vinegar and baking soda in the gas tank of a brand new lawn mower voids the warranty(this tidbit was overheard at Home Depot).


Bored children WILL find entertainment.

Most parents will NOT approve of the entertainment bored children find.

It can take a couple weeks to clean up the results of bored children finding their own entertainment.


The Simpsons is NOT a How To television show.

Young children (see the age parameters above) do not know this, or choose to not know this.

School staff are not impressed by children impersonating Bart Simpson.


Children can get suspended for borrowing lunch trays from the kitchen to use as "sleds" going down a grassy or snowy hill on the school grounds.


Children will teach their parents these and other lessons over and over again until man becomes extinct.

7 Comments
  • From:
    (Unauthenticated) (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Sep 09 2007
    children aren't stupid and parents or adults better watch out when "parents and adults" act like act
  • From:
    DarrenLee (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Sep 09 2007
    Tomorrow the renovations on our apartment?s bathroom are scheduled to begin. We need to move out, at least for the early part, as my interest in colonial New Zealand does not extend to wanting to experience life without running water. Fortunately the bathroom renovators have an apartment available for the next couple of weeks that we can use. If the bathroom is still unusable after that, we?ll make other arrangements. Sufficient unto the day, etc.

    Here are a couple of ?before? pictures:



    It?s a tiny room, and you really are seeing almost all of it in those two pictures. Everything?s somewhat old and worn (and I don?t mean the occupants); all the taps are wobbly and/or on the verge of breaking; the toilet flush only works because Mr Kimi glued the mechanism back together? you get the picture. It has ancient green carpet on the floor. The water heater goes expensively wrong every now and again. There?s a sliding door that takes up an entire wall, so there?s no room to hang towels. It?s cold in winter. The shower head is at hobbit height. It?s impossible to keep clean.

    So just a few things to do. It should be barely recognisable, all going well.

    Now we have to magically make room for all the new fittings to be stored in the lounge until they?re installed. Another good reason to move out: there won?t be anywhere to sit.
  • From:
    DarrenLee (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Sep 09 2007
    Lately I have listened to so many different artists, songs, and genres. I love listening to music because it makes the time go by smoother...not necessarily faster, just easier I guess. I came across this one song that totally made me think of my current situation in life. I just felt that it completely...or at least 90% embodied what I'm going through. I like thinking that I can personally relate to the artists and songs that I'm listening to.

    Lately a big thing for my family to harp on is my lack there of social life. I hate that they judge me so harshly. So what that I don't go out, date, or otherwise party. I like my tv shows, I like my dog, I am just fine staying in. However, I don't object to going out either. But that only happens with my friends come out and say that they are free to hang out. Which doesn't happen often. I don't think it's fair that they tell me I have no life, or that I'm boring. It hurts my feelings, and bothers me that I can't just do what I want. The fact that my lack of social activities is being spread around drives me crazy and embarrasses me. But it also makes me want to move out that much more. What they can't see wont hurt me!!! I want to do a lot with my life, but that doesn't mean I have to do it now. I like to make plans, not fly by the seat of my pants. I wish everyone would just back up and leave me to my music and CSI/Crossing Jordan episodes.

    In other news, my pup visited me at work the other day. He's been having issues and had to see the vet. The smartie pants that my dog is, he doesn't know how to stay out of the pool when we just shocked/cleaned it so he's having an allergic reaction to the chemicals. I just hope he gets better soon. :(
  • From:
    Pragmatist (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Sep 09 2007
    OK, so now I have to write my own entry on what my, and other kids, taught me. From jumping off the roof, to digging a tunnel under the house.


    Bless
  • From:
    Pragmatist (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Sep 09 2007
    OK, so now I have to write my own entry on what my, and other kids, taught me. From jumping off the roof, to digging a tunnel under the house.


    Bless
  • From:
    Yetzirah (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Sep 10 2007
    I may have met my match with this one. She is pretty good about doing it when no one is in the room. I caught her today and snuck up on her and clapped my hands real loud several times.
    We shall see.
    It IS a very bad habit. And shows WAY lack of respect for the pack leader!
  • From:
    DiamondKisses (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Sep 10 2007
    Hahaha! this is funny, but then cute. but not cute when it happens.


    Im guessing you know all of these.. from experience??? yike. sounds like a nightmare.