Teenage years are tough, I had a happy childhood, but Jr high brought on a guy who harassed me for a lack of no chest at the time, created fear in me, then to highschool. I became incredibly insecure. I didnt even know how to walk without feeling self conscious, that people were looking at me, I didnt know how to function without one of my girlfriends with me, on days they missed school I feared lunch break for not knowing what to do with myself.
I remember going on church beach trips, and not able to remove my shorts and just expose the lower half of my body in a bathing suit. I felt I wasnt thin enough. For gees sakes I was skinny my whole life, almost a twig, and I look back at photos and wonder "What was I thinking???"
Hating the lightness of my fair skin. Hating the curls in my hair that sprung me into a poodle head once I hit water or humid weather. Pouring thru magazines with cute straight hair styles, heading to get it cut, and my hair turning out nothing like I dreamed. And back then stylists didnt know how to work with us curly haired girls. So I got to the point where I just went in for a haircut and left with wet hair, I was tired of the making me look all freaky trying to style it.
Now I embrace my skin, my fair skin, my lack of sun exposure for years. Its good for me.
I embrace the curly hair. I honestly didnt until the last 2 years. But hair care products have sprung up for us curly haired people. I cant tell you how many times Ive been in a shampoo isle or styling products isle and run into someone who understands us curly haired girls dilemmas.
We cant get those cute lil wispy choppy Meg Ryan or Jennifer Aniston hair cuts. Unless we can pay to have a stylist blow our hair out daily to maintain it. And yes it required blowdrying each portion with a particular type of brush, with a product in your hair, then drying the hair in sections and pulling it with the brush as you dry it. Its quite a bit of work.
Now I get the comments in places "Is your hair naturally curly?" You have those great ringlet curls" I wish I had your hair" and for once I can finally smile and appreciate it. Its taken me a long time to become comfortable with parts of me.
Is it just something that happens as we get older? I used to have to wear makeup everywhere I went. I had to look perfect and spend an hour on my hair. And then wondering all day if I looked ok, thinking my hair looked terrible or that zit on my chin was so big everyone noticed.
I still deal with being self conscious over parts of myself, but I like this change. I like becoming comfortable with what God gave me.