So is this all true?
It gave me lots to think on this AM. The pastor said it to me.
I shared with my pastor who was on my list I made of those I havent forgiven. I didnt include my Dad but need to, just the tops were H and Pastor. And the Lady counselor. Shes not male? I think I feel that way in general?
But then how he talked about that, like it can affect the way I view God as a Father.
You know tho, it does work that way with me. I look at a person Im involved with or interested in and project 10 yrs ahead to how they will fail me or let me down. So is that where it stems from?
All because of Dad?
I try to think beyond Dad. The men in my life.
It was Dad, and there was my brother?
How do I view my Dad?
Well hes irrational and nothing I say matters. He wont change.
He didnt care in my eyes growing up about my Mom when he kept drinking.
He didnt care about me when he scared and threw my girlfriend out of the house all because of something he created in his own head and could never give me a rational explanation to this day for doing so.
So yeah I have been let down.
Im always screaming to be heard.
I walked out back and begged, and cried and pleaded with my father to explain to me why he threw my best friend out of the house. He was never able to, he never gave me a real answer.
But I dont think its just my father? Heck Mom let me down too. She allowed this.
I was a teenager and she was supposed to protect me and said she was contemplating leaving Dad. But she never did.
Ive been let down all my life by many, So what now?