Im just sitting here tonight, Like wanting to scream.
Forgive me if this is just a continuance of being stuck indoors with 2 little boys and being sick for 4 days, It may just be a bad case of cabin fever,
But anyways,
I just feel this loneliness tonight.
I remember reading something Sable said about the way her parents raised her, about being perfect and all. I dont think I had as much the extreme as she did. But My H would always say to me "You want me to be perfect"
I really dont think that is what I wanted though.
Its hard when people tell you things, I try to pick it apart in my head. But I dont think its the problem. I think that I do expect things, and I have every right to want them.
But then again, it seems its so hard these days to even find people who are like minded.
Granted being different and all is what makes the world fascinating and diverse.
But its like where do you draw your line in the sand, of what is ok and what isnt. What is acceptable, what can be compromised?
I was thinking about how people say "DONT SETTLE" how people just dont want to be alone and take who ever gives them a glimmer of some type of love or assurance.
I just desire so many things. Want certain things for my life. Hold standards to myself. Things I value and find of importance. Is that ok?
Or am I just too "Picky" or "Stubborn"?
Why is it we women look at men often times with the mentality that we see their potential, for what they can become, when the men cant seem to even see it in themselves? Or why do we marry with the hopes he will change, or that God will change them? Why do so many of us carry that torch of hope?
I believe having Hope is an awesome thing.
But when does that hope get followed up?
When does that longing for something and praying and sacrifice come to fruition?
You know?
Why do I carry the optimism and the hopes?
Why do many men lack this?
I cannot carry enough of it for 2. Ive tried this before. It doesnt work.
I grow weary on my end. So longing for the other end of the spectrum, a ray of hope shining back at me with as much yearning as myself.
Its what makes me feel so alone at times. That there arent many like me.
People are so damaged and bruised and torn apart inside, So scarred.
You can tell a scenario and each party will interpret it differently.
I have my wounds inside. Yet I still believe my Light does shine with warmth and love. With Hope and Promise.
I dont know