Was just sitting here thinking H is out having fun today.
How hes been going places since hes at the office of the company he works for.
Big Dinner Party
Hanging out with everyone from the office
Today he was talking about going to one guys house, then going out to some place for one of the guys birthdays from the office.
I sit there silent. Kinda annoyed, Why does he get to go out and have fun?
Its just another one of these silly double standard hypocritical things to me. I have to realize that.
I am bummed first off that I cant share in the fun. Why didnt we do this sort of thing when he was here? He rarely seemed to want to go out with people, that is unless church people.
So is he at some church event tonight? Hanging singing Kumbaya?
I dont think so.
It just makes me mad, I hold myself up in my house afraid to go out and do much, afraid to enjoy the world, cause I am afraid something I do he will go off about and he isnt even here?
But then again am I just afraid to go out because I dont trust myself?
But I guess its like why is it ok for him? But when its me I went thru the ringer when we were together? :(
Dammit I wanna go out too and do stuff!!!!!!
:::sigh:::
I miss having friends, whats with me. :(
I have a lot of guy friends. But I just avoid spending time with any. Cause its like is more wanted? What does it imply, blah blah blah. Even though I have a few I really like as friends and could just have fun with.
Well I got my tree decorated today, the kids were so excited to help.
Im giving the house a good cleaning, its coming along.
Mom took my oldest for the night so just one kiddo to take care of, and he falls asleep early. :)
Wrote out Christmas cards, called my sis and got a lil caught up with her.
The tree looks really nice, put up all the homey decorations, why did I do this sooner? Christmas is practically here? Should have had more time to enjoy it all. I must say I did a beautiful job.
I just cant find my Christmas tapes and CDs so we didnt have the festive music while doing the tree. But I will find them and play them in the eves. I have a few Christian Christmas albums, Michael W Smith and Amy Grant. Then I have one of those Christmas albums, errr whats it called. The one with Madonna singing Santa Baby? The red cover with the stick man? I gotta dig it out.
When I was a kid I used to have a few Christmas record albums. Ahhh such good memories. I had a Frosty the Snowman, and a few with miscellaneous songs.
I remember singing "Im gettin nuttin, for Christmas, I aint been nuttin but bad," Oh and the girl singing it sings it with a tude, it was soo cute!
Im quite proud of my tree, I have so many nice decorations. I have started my newest trend. Only a few, but of toy character ornaments. I added a vintage Barbie, Strawberry Shortcake, an old Mickey Mouse, several Disney Characters, Snoopy, Sugar Bear, Jack in the Box Jack, just stuff like that. Im a toy collector, so I want to find some more, Id like some more 1980s charater cartoon ornaments.
I also found a Christmas Raggedy Ann at the thrift shop. Its a doll from the 80s, and shes in excellent condition, so shes joined my Christmas collection this year.
Well back to night time house cleaning, later!