Pragmatist
Pragmatist

Another visit
Wed Sep 24 2003

I've been listening to music from Kelpie's site. Very beautiful, very soothing. Those of you who put music on your diaries, I love you. Seems it ought to quit when I delete the diary, but it doesn't.

I think I mentioned in an earlier diary that I have a friend (call him Harry) who had a stroke and can't drive anymore. So I offered to schlep him around to his doctor appointment. Little did I realize how much of the county I would see. He has a doctor here, and one there, and another someplace else. Today's doctor was near where my friends are in the board & care home. So we stopped by to visit.

Harry is quite the gabber, and he and the Colonel had a great time visiting, while I visited with my friend. She said she was in an awful mood today, but she cheered up after while. Harry and I were invited to stay for lunch, so we did.

The social worker came while we were still there, and I had a chance to talk with her. I told her that I had revised my estimate of Friend's life line, and she agreed. She said she guessed Friend has maybe a month. That isn't what I wanted to hear. Even though I had already concluded that her time was getting shorter and shorter.

Earlier in the day the hospice worker was there and left a pamphlet on dying, which really upset her. She didn't want to look at it, and didn't even want it in the room. I read it, then slipped it back under her tissue box. Maybe she'll find it and read it. I know she knows she's dying, but she just doesn't want to talk about it or be reminded.

Friend is still able to transfer from bed to wheelchair and back with minimal help, but I don't know how much longer she'll be able to do that. I told the social worker that I am going through the grieving process. I hope I'll be ready when the final day comes. I wonder if our Rabbi could talk to her about dying? Purely from the spiritual viewpoint. Maybe it would help. I'll ask him.

Thank you, Kelpie, for the lovely music that I'm still enjoying.

Shalom

8 Comments
  • From:
    Sezrah (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    it has to be a hard thing to face, dying so rapidly, especially when you're in denial about it or terrified of it
    my heart goes out to her

    sez
  • From:
    BillyTeabags (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    I'm very sorry to read about your friend's terminal illness. The whole subject is very difficult, and there's not much a person can do in a situation like that. I'm not a very outwardly emotional type of person so that makes it even harder for me. I guess all you can do is be there for the person during their last days. (that's stating the obvious, isn't it?)
    In regards to your question on whether I'm an architect, nope, but I enjoy drawing boxes. Mostly I take care of my daughter and occasionally clean the house. What can I say other than I'm a mysterious kind of guy?
  • From:
    CovertOps (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    :*O( :*o(
    I'm sorry, Chaya. I can't help being emotionally affected. I feel very sad for your friend, and understands that everyone will take time to come to terms with their own mortality. Death is always too soon, far too soon.
    Sigh! So sad. :(
    I am glad you have such great friends. You are a wonderfully caring person, Chaya. Your love for your friends is so evident. Harry there must be so grateful for your help. Although I know you don't expect gratitude or anything in return.
    Take care.
    Love,
    E.L.
  • From:
    Becoming (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    I echo EL's sentiments. You are indeed a wonderful and caring friend. Thinking of you as you go through this trying time. I think that talking to the rabbi could be a good thing for your friend.
  • From:
    MagicWhiskey (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Sep 24 2003
    How great of you to drive your friend around.
  • From:
    Ozone (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Sep 25 2003
    RYC: I don't know where my head was when I typed that. I meant to type sunrise.....like in Tequila Sunrise lol. Thanks for setting me straight, it has been changed. Be back to read in a bit.
  • From:
    Monstergue (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Sep 25 2003
    ((((((hugs)))))

    Your friend is going through the stages of grief, of course. Denial is one of the biggest. She feels that as long as she doesn't have to face it, she won't die.

    I really hope she makes her peace. It is such a difficult thing. Some come to grips with it and others don't.

    I went through a long stage of denial about my mothers illness. I have come to understand that sometimes, letting go is the best gift.

    Sorry for the downer.

    Take Care,
    Bobbi
  • From:
    TraumaMama (Legacy)
    On:
    Sat Sep 27 2003
    The 5 stages of Death and Dying:
    Denial
    Anger
    Bargaining
    Depression
    Acceptance