Pragmatist
Pragmatist

A Wedding
Mon Jul 14 2003

A dear friend of mine was married yesterday evening. She had been divorced for a number of years, and had raised a beautiful daughter to young womanhood. Now she is married to her Bashert.

Bashert: soul mate.

The bride was beautiful, of course. Her gorgeous dress was of white satin, and the hem and sleeves were decorated with cut-out designs. She wore a short veil with white flowers across the top. Her shoes were white satin also.

She has been living in Southern California for the last couple years or so, and met her new husband there. But she wanted to be married here because this was where she "grew up Jewish."

It is customary among the Orthodox Jews that the couple be separated during the week preceding the wedding. The bride goes to the Mikvah (ritual bath) the day before the wedding, and both the bride and groom fast the day of the wedding. A Ketubah (marriage contract) is drawn up in which the groom (chattan) makes certain promises to the bride (kallah). The ketubah spells out the contractual responsibilities of the bride and groom to each other. For example, the groom is obligated to provide her with food, clothing, shelter, and sexual satisfaction. The bride, in turn, accepts to love and honor and care for him. Did you catch that "sexual satisfaction" part? HE is responsible for HER pleasure--not the other way around.

Among the Orthodox, the bride reads the 150 Psalms before the wedding. Now this takes some doing because she is surrounded by friends and relatives who wish her happiness, and ask for the Bride's Blessing. Plus, there's the hairdresser, the makeup, the dressing, all of which take time away from reading the Tehillim. But she did it.

Eventually, the groom and his friends came to the synagogue where the bride was waiting, and the groom placed a satin veil over her head, and recited a blessing over her. The groom and his friends then went outside and waited under the Chuppah (canopy) for the bride to be escored to him by her mother and a friend to the waiting groom. The bride and her attendants circled the groom seven times.

The Rabbi made a little sermon about marriage, and mentioned that the bride had come back to her "home" synagogue to be married. Seven blessings were recited by seven men of the wedding party, while holding the kiddush cup. After that the cup was given to the groom to sip from, the bride's veil was lifted just far enough that she could take the cup and sip.

Then comes the giving of the ring and recitation of the marriage formula. Now
the ketubah was read in Aramaic and signed by the (male) witnesses to the wedding. The ketubah is handed to the groom, who then hands it to the bride. It is a sacred and legal document that the bride cares for with great security.

After all this a glass wrapped (to prevent glass from spraying the witnesses) was given to the groom to break my stomping on it, which is reminder of the destroyed Temple, and everyone calls out MAZEL TOV!

The ceremony is over, but the celebration is just starting. The newlyweds leave for a period of time. When they return the tables are loaded down with food, they break their fast, and the guests rejoice with the newlyweds. The Orthodox do not seat men and women together, so the men sing and dance on one side of the mechitza while the women sing and dance on the other side.

The party gets very noisy.

This a brief telling of the wedding of my friend. If you've ever been to a Jewish wedding, you know I've left out a bunch of stuff. Ah, it was a wonderful day!!

Shalom.

6 Comments
  • From:
    Ozone (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Jul 15 2003
    Well I definately don't think that the bride should be responsible for the groom's sexual happiness, but then I don't think that he should be responsible for hers either. Why not make them both responsible for each other's happiness. That is the problem today, couples do not work together to ensure their happiness as a couple. I guess I just wonder why, in a wedding ceremony, either party is assigned, or has to accept responsibility.
  • From:
    Sezrah (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Jul 15 2003
    sounds marvelous!
    i'd love to make it to a jewish wedding someday, i've often thought that the normal white pakeha (european) kind is generally bland and boring compared to the music and dancing of other cultures
  • From:
    Becoming (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Jul 15 2003
    What a lovely ceremony! So full of meaning. It did strike me about the man being responsible for the woman's sexual satisfaction. Is there a lower divorce rate for Orthodox Jewish couples? *smile* As Ozone says, it's important for both to work together to make sure the other's needs are met, but so often in our society the needs of the woman are ignored. I am sure that is not true in Ozone's case, because I have read his diary and know he's a very giving man. ;-)

    RE: your comment, yes - I will be working afternoons into the evening. It will be great for my marriage and to be able to spend daytime hours with my daughter both. I am feeling very uplifted today.

    Peace and Love.
  • From:
    CovertOps (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Jul 16 2003
    How fascinating, dear Chaya! Thank you for taking the trouble to explain all this to your non-Jewish friends. I've read about Bar Mitzvahs and Hannukah and Jewish weddings before, but reading your entry made me feel as though I were there. It's like.... "Fiddler on the Roof", one of my fave musicals! LOL!
    I've got to tell you about Chinese weddings when my Big Bro has the Chinese ceremoney in November.
    Take care!
    Love,
    E.L.

    P/S: I like cutting my own hair because it's the macho thing to do. Sure, it's unrefined, but I always say that Good Taste is a Poor Substitute for Imagination.
  • From:
    Monstergue (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Jul 16 2003
    Hi There,
    That was very enlightening as I knew zilch about the Jewish rituals of getting married. I rather like the "her" part of the sexual satisfaction thing *giggles*.....Hope to talk to you soon!

    Hugs,
    Bobbi
  • From:
    FishCreekBride (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Jul 27 2003
    What a wonderful ceremony! I think it's wonderful that the women's needs are met! I could go on and on about that topic... HUGS~~L