Pragmatist
Pragmatist

Love...by any name
Mon Mar 24 2003

What is it? I got a note from someone who put me to thinking about it. How do some people stay married for 50, 60, 70 years? How can they stand each other that long? Why do others not stay together? What's the glue?

I used to know an elderly gentleman who always introduced his wife as "my lovely bride," even after 50 years. I know a couple in their middle age who are obviously in love, but not huggy-kissy kind of demonstration. The way they look at each other when they're talking, the way they smile at each other. It's so obvious. I see a commercial on TV sometimes that makes me happy-sad. There's an elderly couple walking along, and she reaches over to take his hand, and they smile at each other. Following is a young couple who pass them, one on each side of the elderly couple. The young woman looks back and sees the elderly couple holding hands as they're walking along, and she reaches for her husband's hand. What the commercial is all about, I haven't a clue.

It's easy for me to understand how mothers love their children--no matter what. When you've nurtured that life within you for nine months, there's a bond that stretches and stretches for as far as it needs to. I think a human mother is like a bear mother. DON'T get between me and my child.

But I ask again. What is the glue? Why are some people so successfully married and others make a hash of it? With the divorce rate at or near 50%, I wonder what happened from the time I was a child until I'm an old lady. In my day, divorce was a dirty word. Decent families just didn't do it. You stuck together, kept the vows you made "in sickness in health..." the good with the bad.

Oh, I recognize that there are some situations that just simply aren't to be borne: abuse, infidelity (but even that can be forgiven most of the time), abandonment. The 50% who didn't make it--why? When the newness of romance wore off, did the love wear off too? Did they make a bad choice to start with? Did they forget about compromise? What happened?

No glue in the bottle?

6 Comments
  • From:
    Sezrah (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Mar 24 2003
    there certainly have been a lot of immense changes in the last century
    50% divorce rate is deeply sobering
    *hugs* and love

    sez
  • From:
    Yetzirah (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Mar 24 2003
    I think some of it is what you said. It used to be frowned upon, and there was more of a social price to pay for divorcing. Now everyone rallies around the person you favor in the divorce and supports them. And we are a more self centered bunch now a days which does not help when things get tough in life. I agree with you about some things being steady grounds for divorce. We don't want people being abused. No way.

  • From:
    Monstergue (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Mar 24 2003
    Hi,
    I think the issue is probably a lack of true committment. People go in to marriage thinking "if it doesn't work, I'll just get a divorce." There is not enough glue in any bottle to keep something like that together nor put it back together when it breaks.

    Take Care,
    Bobbi
  • From:
    Ozone (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Mar 24 2003
    I would tend to think that, in most cases, they did not really love each other to begin with. Another big problem is the ability to communicate with each other, at least efectively and honestly.

    RYN: I try to have something booming in my garden all year long. Hear it is not that hard to do. I normally have one of my orchids in bloom as they bloom at different times of the year. My hybiscus bushes bloom all year long, with a few short rest periods. Bougainvillea normally bloom all year long too.
  • From:
    FishCreekBride (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Mar 25 2003
    Great entry! Good thoughts. I believe it takes two people working toward it to make a marriage last.
  • From:
    Becoming (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue Mar 25 2003
    Very good entry. I am off to buy some superglue. *smile*