Pragmatist
Pragmatist

No title
Sun Oct 03 2004

I was just reading another diarist's comments about her mother, and how close they were. And she mentioned her sister, with the comment "I need family. She needs family."

She's fortunate that she has the memory. Now I don't mean to be maudlin about this, but the fact is, I don't remember my mother. Or my father. I was raised by relatives who had good intentions, but it really isn't the same as having at least a memory.

I'm grateful for my sister, and we're close emotionally, though we live two states apart. But never mind that, in the age of Instant Messaging. We chat for a couple hours just about every day.

We have cousins, but we're not particularly close, and they live in other states, besides.

I wonder how families become so fragmented? I remember when we were kids, the whole clan would meet at the grandparents' for thanksgiving. I think occasionally one of the aunts would open her dining room, but mostly it was the grandparents. I remember the year I thought I was too big to eat with the "little kids" in the kitchen, and someone must have agreed with me because I ate in the dining room that year with the grown ups.

But back to the fragmentation. There's one cousin and his wife in Washington, but as far as I know the rest of the cousins and spouses are in Idaho. No, that's not right. There's a cousin and her husband in Las Vegas. And I don't even know if the cousins in Idaho ever get together. Isn't that pitiful? I'm closer to my friends than I am my own relatives.

I've heard it said that you can't miss what you never had, but that's not true. I don't remember my parents, and I miss them. Even after all these years, there's still that hole in the relationship-thing that's empty. I wonder frequently what it would have been like to have my own parents instead of sharing someone else's.

But, you know, I think I was a better parent for missing that in my life. I think I showed my kids a lot of physical love (one of them thought I was smothering, but that's another story). I have some things of my mother's and I treasure them. In fact, I think I'll take that sapphire ring to the jeweler and get it resized so I can wear it again.

I have pictures of both parents, and stories told by aunts and uncles, and that's enough for now.

Shalom

4 Comments
  • From:
    Calichef (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Oct 03 2004
    I'd known that you grew up being cared for by relatives other than your parents, but I don't think I ever knew what happened to them. Would you be willing to share that with us?
    Love,
    ~Cali
    #79 ;-)
  • From:
    Dreamerbooks2003 (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Oct 03 2004
    My belief is that we come into our life situations in order to learn certain lessons. You have done one bang up job.. and you only need look at your accomplishments to realize how wonderful you have done.
    As to the fragmented family, my family is so dysfunctional, I sometimes choose to fragment in order to keep myself sane. I should be more grateful but at times it is near impossible..

    I can't even say I understand your having no memory. It must be so difficult .. Get the ring fixed.. you'll get some comfort wearing it.(I think)
    Hugs
    peg

  • From:
    Fairywishes (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Oct 03 2004
    I feel exactly the same way as you on this issue, it is strange the way families fragment and drift apart when once they were so close.

    x
  • From:
    Sezrah (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon Oct 04 2004
    it is fascinating to me how all our unique backgrounds and beginnings serve as the tapestry of our lives and how each of us is shaped by those beginnings moreso than many other influences in our lives. i'm glad you were and are a wonderful parent, i'm sure your children cherish you greatly

    *hugs*

    sarah