OK, that dates back to when we were trying to get him out of diapers at the ripe old age of three and a half, and a Skeeter Eater (a.k.a. Crane Fly) bumbled across the floor and danced over his bare feet. This happening while a three and a half year old is trying to learn to pee standing up has disastrous effects on the walls, mirrors, ceiling and light fixtures of a small bathroom. Not one drop landed in the toilet. But that is another story.
#3 is afraid of having his light turned off in his room as he is going to sleep. Strangely this only coincides with anything interesting going on in the house. He has found something interesting every night. During the day he admits to not being afraid of the dark, and we overheard him telling someone that he just has a fit about it because he doesn’t want to go to bed. Strangely enough if he is in my bed (whether Hubby and I are there or not) or if we are camping or at my brother’s house, he is not afraid of the dark.
He is afraid of going outside in the dark, but only when it is when we want him to go out and pick up the toy or item of clothing we asked him to go pick up 50 times before the sun went down, and he never did it. This also applies to if he forgot to bring the garbage can or recycle bins back up to the house on the days it is his turn, and the sun has gone down. If, however, it is not a school night and he wants to run over to his friends house for a little bit of play time, he magically isn't afraid any more.
He is afraid to be alone in his room to play or read, but has no problem staying alone in the house to watch TV or play video games if I have to run a quick errand. Funny how that works.
Hubby believes #3 is truly timid and afraid of these things, and feels we should give him extra attention to help him get through it. I’ve been giving him that extra attention constantly every day all day long for years. After witnessing him faking it on more than one occasion, I’ve lost all tolerance for coddling him any more. My take on it is that he can get over it and stop whining. He is 10 years old, but whenever he sees either of his brothers get ANY attention, his fears spring up like a jack-in-the-box that has been wound around its cycle. The timing of so many of these fear episodes is just too coincidental with attention showered elsewhere.
Don’t get me wrong, when warranted I will cuddle, coddle, reassure and give all the attention he needs. But at this rate, I’m just not willing to go off to college with him so he can keep the bathroom door open in the dorms for reassurance. The kid needs to face the fact that if he keeps it up he will be beat up on a regular basis for being a cry baby. I really don’t want to see that happen, and if it means that I have to let him face these phantom fears and learn to deal with them now, then so be it.
I think every child has the right to be loved, accepted and protected by the adults in his or her life. Sometimes giving that protection means withholding attention so they can learn to take care of themselves. I can’t ride the bus to him every day to and from school. I can’t go to school with him or out in the neighborhood with him when he wants to play. If he wants to get through his childhood without too many other kids picking on him, teasing him and beating him up just because they think it’s fun, he needs to learn to either not be afraid of so many things, or at the very least not to show his fears.
Harsh? Maybe. There is probably the majority out there that would disagree, but I think I’m doing the right thing.
Oh, and a quick message to my brother. If you breathe a word of your ghost to him I'll make good on my threat.
Maybe.
At the very least I'll arrange for your house to be TP'd as often as possible for as long as you live there. You will also receive mysterious pizzas at your door that you didn't order, and every Marine recruiter in the city will return your calls about volunteering to enlist.