A century ago, heck even 50 years ago hearing about someone going to a therapist indicated some type of mental instability of that person. Now, if you are stressed at your job, go see a shrink. If you are stressed in your marriage/partnership, go see a shrink. If you are stressed from split ends and having bad hair days, go see a shrink. Thin, fat, tall, short, myopic, sad, happy, you name it and there is a shrink that can help you deal with it.
Whatever happened to surrounding yourself with family and friends and letting them help you come to terms with problems, find solutions and give support when you needed it?
I have said it before, and doubtless I will say it again, I hate being so far from my family. Growing up I had my grandparents next door, my aunt & cousins a couple doors down, and for every holiday all of the extended family would gather at one of the homes (usually the largest) and we would re-connect with each other. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Marriages, Births, Deaths, we would be among dozens of family members, supporting each other and strengthening the bond of familial love between us.
When I was in the 3rd grade, my natural dad passed away. The immediate support of family was a godsend. We may have lost our dad, but we had so many family and friends surrounding us that it made dealing with the grief and getting through it easier. Just before 4th grade my Mom re-married and once again the family gathered to welcome the new family member and reinforce the support structure with each other.
The summer between my 7th and 8th grade years, my family moved from the Portland area to one of the Seattle suburbs. We spent a year up there. During that time, my Grandpa was diagnosed with cancer, and the next summer before I entered 9th grade we moved back down to a suburb of Portland be closer to the family during the crisis. Just the atmosphere of our lives, being near family again was extremely comforting. We may have no longer been next door to Grandma & Grandpa, but we were only a short drive away.
We lost my grandpa the October of my 9th grade year. Again we were surrounded by loved ones who helped us come to grips, and go on with life.
In the world we live in, children grow up and move away. My family is now scattered from sea to shining sea, and occasionally overseas. Holidays consist of either just our immediate family unit, or sometimes a couple good friends and family members. The holiday dinners and summer picnics or bar-b-que’s of 30+ people have dwindled to dinners of between 5 and 15 people. While it is easier for me to prepare a dinner for 15 people than it would be for 30 people, I wish my family were located such that I had the opportunity to do just that at least once a year.
I have my Bro & SIL, Hubby’s Sister and her family, my MIL and a couple hours drive away. My best friend and her Hunky-Hubby are also down in that area (but soon to be up here… YAY!!!). My folks are in SE Alaska, just a couple hours flight away. In an emergency we can all be gathered together within a day or two. I, however, long for the days of family being just a drive across town, or a walk down the street. I miss the joy of having family come together to celebrate life, give thanks, and rejoice in the bonds that made us family.
No one needed a therapist back then. Now? All of my kids are in therapy for various issues related to their ADHD. Hubby strongly suggests (quite often) that I find a therapist so I have someone to talk with and work things out. My mind rebels at that thought. Having someone to talk with is what friends and family are for. I feel guilty about having to have the kids in therapy. A big part of me wonders if we lived the kind of life I had as a child, surrounded by an extended and large loving family, would my kids need therapy? Wouldn’t having cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents at their immediate disposal offer them the support and wisdom that we now have medical insurance to provide for us?
I desperately hope that when my own children move out, that they remain in the area. I long to be in a position to give my Grandchildren what I had as a child. I long to give my own children the support with their families that my family had when I was growing up. I can remember us kids having beds in our cousins and Grandparents homes. We spent times of crisis with other family members while our parents dealt with whatever was going on that took their full attention away from us. Most of the time we didn’t notice as we were still surrounded by love and given all the attention we needed from other family members.
I want that for my Children and Grandchildren.