"Hello, is this Mrs. (insert grossly mispronounce name here)?" a male voice queried.
OK, first indication this person does not know me is they have no clue how to pronounce my name. Usually at this point I will ask that person to not call back and hang up. Tonight however, I'm in a twisted mood so I play with him a little.
"Yes this is Mrs. (repeat grossly mispronounced name), may I help you?"
This poor fool thinks he has sunk the hook.
"I'm calling tonight to tell you about this great deal we have for you!" He pauses to take a breath. "I represent the Brain Damaged Widows of Fallen Fire Fighters, and in order to take care of our heroes loved ones, we are having our yearly fund raising event."
OK, I can't resist at this point, so I cheerfully ask, "Do you also support the Firemen's Parapalegic Children's Fund? I donated to them last month."
Silence.
"Um, sir, are you still there?" I innocently ask.
A cautious reply, “Nooooooo, I think they are supported separately from our organization.” He tries to get back on track at this point. “What I’m calling about today is to offer you a great opportunity to help our group by purchasing…”
“Hey,” I interrupted, “Is this the same group selling tickets for the Roy Clark concert? I already bought those tickets so you can take me off your list!” My overly cheery voice I believe was beginning to grate like cheese on his nerves.
“No. That is NOT us. If you would please let me tell you about our great opportunity…” I cut him off again.
“Oh, you’re the people having the Formal Ball, right? We have tickets for that too. Isn’t it this Friday?” At this point I’m really having a hard time not laughing.
I think he might just give me money just to not interrupt him again. “Ma’am, if you will just let me tell you about our great…”
“Oh! Your collecting clothing! Well, we just donated all our extra clothes to the Salvation Army. I do have a chair here though that needs re-stuffing and a new cover, would you like that?” I inquired, still maintaining my brainless cheery voice and biting my lip to not laugh.
"No ma'am, we are offering..."
"Is this the Turkey Raffle?" I inquired.
“Mrs. (grossly mispronounced name)”, he sighed. “What I’m calling for is to let you know about…”
“TEDDY BEARS!” I almost screamed at him.
“???” I could tell this totally baffled him. “Ma’am?”
“You’re collecting Teddy Bears for those police people! We just brought all of our stuffed animals over to them last month. I’m sorry I can’t help you with that.” I was REALLY having a hard time keeping a steady cheerful voice at this point.
“No ma’am,” I could hear the defeat in his voice now. “We are not collecting Teddy Bears or anything else.” He audibly sighed at this point. “Thank you for your time, have a nice evening.” And he hung up.
My family is staring at me, forks poised halfway between the plate and their mouths, filled with now cold food. “What the hell was that about?” Hubby asked me. They all looked at me like I had lost my mind. Even the dog was looking at me that way.
“Oh, just a sales person who won’t be calling back any time soon.”