On housework, do I like doing it? No. Do I do it? Now that I am not working and spending the rest of the day keeping the boys from fighting and getting them to do their homework, yes. I understand that some people can enjoy being a mom and wife, but if you want me to believe that anyone actually ENJOYS cleaning the toilet and doing load after load of laundry, you're nuts. I don't believe that anyone WANTS to do housework. I do believe that there are people out there that want to be a wife and mom. Those are two totally different things.
I grew up a long time ago. Did I have strong feelings about leaving my childhood behind? Not really. I was ready for being an adult, and welcomed it. I believe that wanting to be young, and not wanting to grow up are separate things.
I am not now, and never have been miserable about being in my home. Nor have I ever been depressed about being in my home. I have been depressed as a result of various situations in my life, but my home and family as a whole are not any of those things. As for being miserable? Only if I have a cold.
I don't see that as any kind of indication that I didn't/don't like or want to be grown up. Housework has now become my job. I do it for my family. I admit that if I did not have a family I would not do it, but only because the house would not be messy with only me living in it. Do I like the idea of that scenario? No. I would much prefer having my family and doing housework.
As to why I felt foreign in my own home? I just spent three weeks at my parents home. It is an environment under which I felt safe, secure and loved while I grew up. While there, I did the housework. I am completely familiar with my mother’s home, as I have been going there off and on for almost 10 years. In that time, the dishes and silverware are in the same place, the laundry facilities have not really changed other than a remodel and the atmosphere is one I grew up with. I arrive back to a home in which I have only been in for 6 months and I had to refamiliarize myself with. Getting reacquainted with where everything was in my own home was a foreign concept for me, hence the foreign feeling.
Now, why are things in my home not in a place that is familiar to me? Hubby does not care for where I put things all the time. It does not bother me to have them put someplace which makes more sense to him, rather someplace that is comfortable for me.
In your life, you have chosen to stay home and care for your family. You have had the opportunity to set your home up in the way you believe it should be set up in. It does not appear that your Hubby has any argument with where you place various items.
In my life, the financial circumstances since I married have not allowed me to stay home and do nothing but be a mother and wife. Until 6 months ago, I was the primary breadwinner in my family. Hubby on occasion made a better wage than I did, but I was the one who was always working. I have had to work in order for us to survive financially and not have to go into bankruptcy. Perhaps this is something that would not bother you to do in order for you to stay home. Bankruptcy is not an option for us.
As to my diary and the place it has in my life? There are too many things that happen for me to put everything down there. I tend to only put the highlights of the day, or delve into various topics I have been thinking about. While this should give some impressions of me, it is not me in the entirety. When I vent in the diary about conflicts between the kids and I, it gets out my aggravations. When the kids and I are getting along and having a wonderful time, there are no aggravations to vent. These things I don't write about very often due to that. Hunkka-hunkka Hubby does not like anything about our personal lives to be out on the internet, so I don't write about a majority of our lives.
Due to our different paths to where we have come now, we have grown into different people with different philosophies. Neither is wrong, just different. So long as I don't feel I am coming under attack or judgment from someone I have no problems with that person. Despite what you may believe, I don't dislike you. Despite what you may believe, if I or anyone in my family has a disagreement with you, this does not mean we are not speaking.
I'm not sure why you believe some of the things you do about me and the family I came from. Somewhere there has been a break in communications between us. For me, differences in opinions or disagreements do not mean I am fighting with or dislike a person. If I felt that way I would not get along with anyone and have no friends or family whatsoever!
I think there are times you try to analyze things that need no analysis. To quote Freud, "Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar."