Our routine of doing some work down at the hangar in the mornings, then lazing about in the afternoon resumed after the weekend. I think we are almost done with this project, and then we can go back to our regular morning walks followed by minor projects during the rest of the day. I have a stack of crochet projects I need to get started on, and some educational things for the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) I need to roll up my sleeves and get on with.
We spent most of this last Saturday hosting family and friends for a lunch, then a dinner. The background was filled with the sounds of the San Antonio, TX Drum Corps show we watched through the FloMarching streaming service we signed up for. The sounds of our childhood enjoyed among a few friends made for a wonderful day.
Brother, SIL, Dad, and his new wife were here earlier in the day on Saturday for a family lunch. Some day I’ll come to terms with the complicated relationship I have with Dad, but it won’t be any time soon.
We just passed the 2-year anniversary of losing Mom last week, and that is another complicated relationship I’m still working out on coming to terms with. I had an epiphany a few days ago about something related to Mom from my childhood. As an adult, it has been said many times that I don’t show my emotions, which at times has been interpreted incorrectly (usually as my being rude, or uncaring) by others. I had a random memory pop up recently, of being about 5 or 6, I was in kindergarten. I don’t remember the why, but I was crying and emotional about something that had happened at school that day. I clearly remember my mom losing all patience with me, and in a raised voice (not quite shouting) telling me “if you’re going to cry, go to your room!”. I remembered this happing a few different times, and realized that as a child, I believed I was being punished for crying and/or being emotional. As a result, I learned to not show my emotions after that, and continue that to this day. As an adult, I know it was not her intent to punish my emotions, but as a child, that was the lesson I learned.
I look back on raising my own kids, and realized that many times when something came up, I would ask myself “what would Mom do?” and then I’d try to do the opposite of that. As an adult, I was so determined to not raise my kids the way Mom raised us.
Don’t get me wrong, she was a good Mom, but I’ve realized as an adult that she was human.