While in truth this is not a Chinese curse, it is a curse just the same.
For my family, it has been an interesting few days... to say the least. Life with #1 has taken a turn in a direction I have been praying for 9 years would never happen.
As I have mentioned here more than once, #1 is both ADHD and Bipolar. He is also ODD and sufferes from some degree of depressive issues. He is dependent on medication in order to be able to function at all, and due to this he is categorized as disabled and falls under the protections of the Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA). At school he has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) which describes what is going on with him, and set out certain parameters that are required for him to be able to be successful. It states in the IEP that should the conditions not be able to be met, he should be allowed to self regulate through one of many avenues that are supposed to be available to him. It explains that if he is not allowed to be in an environment meeting the parameters, and if he is not allowed to self regulate, his frustration level elevates. If still denied self regulation and if he is not given the opportunity to speak with someone with whom he has built a high level of trust with in order to work the situation out, he can escalate into various degrees of violent behavior.
Two days ago #1 was in a situation at school in which nothing in the IEP was followed, and this escalation did occur. As a result, the school had him arrested. He spent the night in juvenile hall, and has a court date later next month to determine the next course of action. While at his arraignment yesterday, he was directed by the judge to have no contact with the individuals involved in the altercation. As the individuals are his teachers and school security, he is now not allowed to go to school.
Today we found a lawyer, gave him all our money, and now we wait.
I’m furious to no end that my child has gone through this as a result of negligent actions on the part of the school staff. Numerous times before it had gotten out of hand, #1 asked to be able to take advantage of the various self regulation options spelled out in his IEP. Every time he was denied the opportunity to do so. By the time the teacher finally called me, it had gone past the point of no return. I’m appalled that the school had the audacity to act surprised when #1 behaved exactly the way his IEP describes that he would behave if not in the environment or conditions stipulated. I’m frustrated that there seems to be no solution for the current problems.
Does my son have responsibility in cases like this? Hell yes. But if all options are taken away from him, and if he is backed into a corner where he is unable to function, shouldn’t the school take some of the responsibility also? There is no doubt that #1 needs to work on managing his anger and impulsiveness. He needs to continue to work with the medical professionals to get to a point where he is better able to manage and control his emotions. He isn’t there yet, and everyone knows this.
I’m going to go back to hitting my head against the wall repeatedly as that seems to be the only thing I can do for now.