What Happened To Summer?
Wed Aug 25 2004

Well, the best thing I can say about the weather is that it is good for canning. Nice and cool. We've had rain for the past several days, and looking at the 7 day forecast, there is no end in sight. So, instead of making hay while the sun shines, I'm going to make jam (or something...) while the sun doesn't shine.

Oh well, it is also easier to do homework on days like this when you don't feel the pull of sunny weather calling me to go outdoors and fiddle around in the garden.

Ah, the garden. I don't even want to think about it. We had torrential downpours a few days ago which flattened all of my tomato plants. The zucchini and squash held up well in it, but the tomatoes... I don't even want to think about them. I'm going to wait until it dries out a bit and go try re-staking them. In the new house I'm definitely going to pressure Hubby to put up a structure which will allow me to hang all of them next year.

I heard from Hubby yesterday, he thinks he might be home around the 6th or so. While I hope he is correct, I'm not going to hold my breath. It will be nice to have him back before the kids start school, and even better to have him back for his birthday, but I'm almost afraid to get my hopes up.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and analyzing of myself while he has been gone. I came to the realization that the longer I am away from the work place, the more of a homebody I've become. I would even venture to say that I'm bordering on agoraphobia. I'm not quite to the point of Panic Disorder, but getting closer and closer the longer I am away from a life which gets me out of the house on a daily basis. Going to school has helped some, but I find myself reluctant to leave the house for even casual things. This isn't so bad if I'm with someone I know and am comfortable with. Going anywhere solo though gives me the feeling of a hand crushing around my heart and I get short of breath.

I don't like this feeling. I really want to get out of the funk my life has been for the past 2.5 years which has led me to this state. I really don't like being like this.

OK Alli, shake it off...

6 Comments
  • From:
    Cutypops (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Aug 25 2004
    sure you haven't moved???

    your weather sounds like just like ours!
  • From:
    Yetzirah (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Aug 25 2004
    Agoraphobia.

    I think I kind of have a slight case of that myself.

    That's fear of a certain breed of rabbit right?

    :-)
  • From:
    Pragmatist (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Aug 25 2004
    I have days when I don't even get out of my jammies. But it's not agoraphobia. Just lazy. No reason to go out.

    Ahhh, the poor tomatoes. I hope some are salvageable after all the rain.

    Shalom
  • From:
    ImNotLisa (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Aug 25 2004
    I get the lazies, but I think when the time comes for me to go back to work, I will lean toward agoraphobia too. I hope things even out soon for you, living with any kind of worry is not pleasant.
  • From:
    Monstergue (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Aug 26 2004
    I am agorophobic. I DO notice it is better when I have to be out and about on the job front. When I have spent months at a time at home (as I did with my mother) it got much worse, to the point that I hated even walking to the mailbox, which I did late at night so no one could see me and I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. Forget going through a drive through at Burger King or Mickey D's, not happening.

    I still feel more comfortable on cloudy days (the sky isn't WIDE OPEN) but working again has helped me A LOT. I have always been one to hide the problem and I was accused even yesterday, at work, of being "too perky".

    I am not sure what the answer is for you. It is different for everyone suffering from agorophobia.

    (((((hugs)))))))
  • From:
    InStitches (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Aug 26 2004
    Its not bad being a homebody as long as you are home because you are content and not out of fear. I can go for long periods at a time and not want to leave home; even dread it. I never thought of it as agoraphobic, but at times I can see where I might get pretty darn close. Being forced to be on the go more probably keeps me from entering the panic stage, but all that going gets to me too after a while. I can guarantee that after the kids return to school I won't want to leave my house for at least a month and will probably only do so when I have no other choices. lol

    I have no idea as to whether this is healthy or not, but I think I strike a reasonable balance most of the time.

    As to our summer, I miss it already. I got caught in a rain shower today that nearly drown us. Made driving an absolute bear. Perhaps a sun dance is in order. *goes in search of tambourine*