Sparkler
No More Drama

Reasons We Dont Get Better
Thu Dec 27 2001

Morning Diary,


Well today is cloudy. I noticed a little bit of snow on the tops of the nearby mountains. The distant ones have snow, this is where the ski place is. But its so gorgeous when the nearby mountains all get coated in snow.


Well I got off work yesterday and was all set to go and get errands done, and the gym.


My first stop the post office, AND I LOCK MY KEYS IN MY JEEP! haha


Ahhh I had to go and do it again! Its been mos since my key locking inside streak. Had to use my new membership to Triple A I guess? Thank god it was renewal time in Nov, I wouldve had to pay to get my keys out. So needless to say I was stuck. H called, and he came over with the kids and drove me 2 blocks over to the bank. Since they said it could take 45 min till they would arrive. So H drove me over. Its about 3 blocks down the blvd. So I walked back to the post office. It was a nice walk. Been awhile since I strolled down it. I used to live by the blvd for about 4 yrs. And me and the kids would walk down the post office often, with my double stroller. I think thats why I stayed so skinny. I used to walk them everywhere. I look at pics of me then and Im like DANG, I was a twig!


H had waited there, no Triple A yet. It was going on an hour! So I asked him to drive me home to get my gym clothes. The house is close. So just as we leave Triple A calls and said it will be 15 min. So I had just enough time to get my clothes and be back. Then I had to jam off to the gym. I was in a hurry cause I had the 7pm Church recovery group still.


Got to the gym and saw my female friend I met about month and a half ago! She and I started talking then POOF she didnt come back. She was back to work off her christmas eating. :)


It was a lil frustrating, everything I wanted to use was taken! Guys alternating between different weights and leaving all the big stuff on it and walking away and coming back, Then these 2 ladies had the other things I wanted to use and they were all chit chatting. Amazingly I got to everything I wanted just in time before I had to go, but it was annoying waiting.


Was watching a thing on tv about New Years resolutions and fitness/exercise a big one. How gym memberships explode in Jan, and usually about 6 mos later people stop going. Ugh, Im dreading that, will see how this gym is, its small as it is. So I cant imagine it packed.


I then drove home, had just under an hr to shower, change, eat dinner, and then head off to church.


I asked H to get the kids dinner and shower. He was acting kinda weird. He was staying at the house, and first day I left him there alone he called me up all upset saying he went thru my computer Hard drive and felt guilty( I wont go any further on this) Anyways, he isnt staying around the house when Im not there.


We all headed to church, H went to the group with me.


The pastor is such a good teacher. I get something out of every session. So afterwards H said to me "He is a good teacher, he keeps it simple, and its not to long and drawn out" I agreed, he also is very good with analogies and a story to relate everything to.


The lesson last nite was "Four Reasons Christians never take the next step in recovery"


Now keep in mind this class isnt geared towards one type of recovery, its general. Could be addictions, divorce, financial probs, etc etc, Just name something, anyone could be in this class.


Pastor said "You ever known christians or even yourself? Where you are doing well walking with God, then something happens and you are set back, you wonder what happened, or you look at people and remember at one time they were doing well, now what set them back?"


He stressed to us that none of us are immune from this happening.


So what are the 4 reasons we dont move forward?
1. Because we rely on our own strength.


Ahh yes, when we spend all our time worrying, fretting, depressed, trying to figure out things, instead of just saying "God, I cant do this, I need your help"


Pastor said "Do you know how many people are sitting at home this very night depressed or worrying about something all alone? I can tell you there are hundreds out there tonight.


So second reason
2. Because we do not seek support.


He talked about the church being a support group. How there is strength in numbers. He also talked to us about having a core support group in our own lives. Whether it be our parents, spouse/partner, close friends, pastor, children, coworker, whatever applies best to your situation. But he said make sure these arent people who you choose that will always agree with you, Make sure its people who know the REAL you, and ones who can be honest and up front with you.


He asked us to make a list of 5 people. I didnt realize how hard that was for me. To make such a list. Of those that are wise and I trust and know that they will be up front with me.


I think my friend Mark in Ohio came to mind right off. Funny eh? Some computer christian dude. But he has been there throughout much of my life, and knows me so well. He puts it to be blunt, but with love and hes always sharing Gods word.


I also think of my friend J in Cali, the guy H and I worked in ministry with.


Anyways, the next reason


3. Because our pride tells us we have recovered when in reality we have not.


Ohhh yeah.


You know how that is? When you feel all good about something, you think you have it mastered, and you walk around all full of yourself, and dont rely on God and feel like your all fixed, then WHAM! You get hit upside the head with something else. He said this is when we are at greatest risk of being hit with something is when we think we have it all figured out.


Reason four


4.Because we do not make regular evaluations.


Now this was a good one for me. I do not do this.


We need to have annual, monthly and weekly check points in our lives.


He compared it go trying to loose weight. People who set that goal. If they get on the scale every hour, or every day, they wont see much progress.


But if you evaluate it weekly or monthly, its much easier to see the progress.


I dont do this with myself. You can apply it to any area of your life. Sit down and evaluate yourself, where you were a month ago, where you are now, stuff like that.


Something else was said "Our weight and mood and spiritual life will fluctuate from hour to hour and day to day, but should not fluctuate from month to month"


And lastly he said
"Have a friend to evaluate in these areas of being......
1. Tense
2. Resentful
3. Bitter
4. Carnal


Oh man, that is a tough one though, finding the person you trust to talk about this with.


So after church we all went to Home Depot. New toilet time! Im tired of running across the house at night to pee! So got the cheapest model. Not bad $49. I could afford that! So we got in after 9:30pm last night. Sent the kids to bed. And H said "You want me to put that in tonight??" I looked at him and said "YES"
haha


He was walking around all cowering like all day after having invaded my computer privacy and kept saying "Arent you going to blow up at me?"


Earlier before Church I said to him " What do you want me to do? Punish you? Im not your Mommy" He answered "Well I guess Im just so used to that"


When we drove back from Home Depot he said once again "I just feel like your so angry with me and your supressing it or something, like your just gonna go off still" I said " I think in some ways you want me to do that" He did agree. I know have left the burden on his shoulders. I didnt allow it to be dumped on me to worry about. Consequences are he cant stay at the house alone. What more do I need to say to him that he doesnt already know?


So when he whined about the toilet I said "Fine ok, there you go, consider it your punishment. Put the toilet in!" haha. It wasnt said nasty but he got the hint and went and put it in.


Well today is another cram session after work. I bought H a massage for Christmas so he has that today so I have to make sure and be done so I can have the kids.

And how are the kids? Doing quite well. Although yesterday as I got in Hs truck while waiting for triple A my oldest says "OH Mom, dont look up at that sticker, its says "WHOOP ASS" I just looked at him, I have never heard my kids swear, not that ass is a major word, but they have never used that term. MY oldest did ask me a few weeks ago about the word ass meaning donkey, but then how some people use it as a bad word. I said yes that is correct, And nothing more was said about it. So yesterday after oldest points out Daddys WHOOP ASS sticker, my youngest yells out the back slider window "ASS ASS ASS ASS!" I glared at H. He apologized. I said to him " I have never heard either of them say that word like this" So H promptly peeled the sticker off his sunroof and told the youngest to knock it off.


Ahhh the joys of parenting. :)


My little one said some kid told him that having his hair spike was bad. LOL


And you know something, I dont doubt that by some of the conservative standards of that church. Like I said. I like this pastor who does the recovery group. But I havent been attending the services there. I dont want to be pointing at christians for the ways they do or dont dress. Its just not that important to me.


Well back to work, Later

3 Comments
  • From:
    UnicornSandwichmeat (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Dec 27 2001

    I got better. That's why it's good to be a meat.

    Love,

    Unicornsandwichmeat
  • From:
    BarnacleBoo (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Dec 27 2001
    Hi!

    I really enjoyed this entry, and learned something, too. ;) I think Reason #1 is so important.

    Thanks for sharing this.
  • From:
    Bythesea (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Dec 27 2001
    Hi Sparkler. Thanks for sharing what the pastor said about recovering from things. I've slowly begun to realize some of these things myself in my own reading and reflection, but it's nice to hear it laid out so concretely.

    Re: Bellydance. I took a little 6 week course a few years ago, and right before I went to a restaurant where some women were performing. It was very cool because most of the women were older than me, and none looked like an aerobics instructor body like you might have thought. They were all very womanly and comfortable with themselves. My instructor said "you've got to have at least a little bit of belly to belly dance". In my class we learned the moves separately but I never really learned how to string them together myself to make my own dance. Other instructors teach it like you'd learn a cheerleading/drill team routine or a step-aerobics class, teaching you a couple bits, then going back to the "top" and stringing them together, then teaching a few more bits, string those bits together and then got back to the "top" to string both sets of bits together, etc. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. We were just beginning so we didn't really get into costumes but I had a friend who later got more involved and got a couple costumes. I enjoyed the music a lot. The only weird thing is the finger cymbals (also known as Zils) have to be tight enough so they don't fly off, so if you aren't playing them the ends of your fingers might start to turn a little purple.
    I hope you have a lot of fun and really enjoy this venture out of your comfort zone! ~~bythesea