No one ever tells you how hard it is being a parent. I mean they say its hard but no one ever talks about how you truly lose yourself.

Now I dont know if this is mostly for mothers but when you have a child you lose your identity all together. You spend every waking moment doing something for someone else. Making sure your child is happy, fed, clean, safe, comfortable. You forget to do those things for yourself.

I dont regret having my child for even one second but there are times when I want to get into my car, drive away, and never come back. The postpartum after giving birth didnt help. Luckily that didnt last forever.

Sometimes I want to be selfish and just be alone. I want to be able to eat a meal without a small person crawling all over me. Or read a book without cartoons playing in the background. Or enjoy a coffee and run errands peacefully. I want to not always have a happy face plastered on so that my kid doesnt see a sad mommy.

I sometimes wonder if I was too young to have a kid. I wasnt ready mentally or emotionally but its not my childs fault. They deserve a better life than I had. I am far from a perfect mom. But I will do everything in my power to be the best mom I can be....