*I had no thoughts worth writing about this morning. Until this thing happened to me and I knew I needed to share*
This morning, I was sitting on my deck at a hightop table working my way through my bible study (currently looking at Isaiah 7-11). I keep with me notecards so that I can write down any versus that really resonate with me, and refer to them later. The breeze here in Nashville this morning is life-giving, and most warmly welcomed in the midst of our current heatwave. I went inside for a brief moment to refill my coffee and when I stepped back outside I saw something blindingly white down in the grass next to the garden box. I quickly assessed that it was one of my notecards blown away by the breeze--I could see the green highlighter of whatever verse I had written on it. I descended the deck steps to retrieve my notecard, and when I picked it up I stood in the garden and read it aloud:
Psalms 1:2-3 says "but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person shall be like a tree planted by streams of water which yields us fruit in season, whatever they do prospers."
I smiled to myself and looked up. I took a deep breath and a moment to pray, giving thanks for the beautiful breeze He gave to remind me that He is with me (and you) always. Signs like these aren't always so obvious, but I rejoice in the moments that they are. A sign so abundantly clear.
If you read my first entry of this particular diary centering my garden, you may know that I couldn't decide why my motivation to tend to the garden with such fervor this year had struck me, but I believe I've just learned why. You see, I've always believed in God. I've always had faith that He was with me. But my faith was tested about 8 years ago (a story for another time).
During my spring hustle to revive the garden, I felt a heavy call to put in the work to mend my relationship with God. I never lost belief, and I would argue I never necessarily lost faith, but I was simply MAD at God. For a long while, I was not willing to let my grudge go. I kept Him at an arms distance and struggled with any thoughts of welcoming Him back into my daily life. But that changed a few months ago, and now I see the hardly coincidental connection. Much like the work I've had to put into the garden, the nurturing, the consistency, the fulfillment of giving and receiving in return, has led me back to Jesus.
Picture this:
A young twenty-one-year-old holding hands with Her Creator, when tragedy strikes and destroys everything she can see. She looks to her Protector, begging Him to turn back the clock, to run the course differently, to provide a different outcome. He stands motionless, knowing more than the girl knows, knowing the why, and knowing that no amount of explanation or transparency will make her understand in that moment. So she drops His hand, feeling betrayed and begins to run away. There are times over the years she gets tired of running and slows down. She lets the tears fall for the loss of a relationship she once held so close to her heart, even wanting to turn back sometimes--maybe even turning once or twice and taking a few steps before thinking to herself that she's run so far now, she doesn't even know her way back anymore. Until, one day, now walking through a world totally unrecognizable, but wholly beautiful and absolving, she sees a figure only steps away.
She hesitates, slowing her steps in the figures direction--with a mild sense of caution and a growing curiosity--until, finally, she reaches a face she recognizes. A face she has circumvented all those years. His arms are outstretched, and she walks in to them without questioning it. The embrace overtakes her, and the familiarity of His voice washing away her pain and her grief and her previously ever-present senses of betrayal and lack of trust in just about anything. Jesus puts His hands on either side of the now twenty-nine-year-old woman's face and says, "I've watched over you as you've reached this new world, this new understanding. Now that you're here, it is time for me to personally walk with you once again".
The woman looks over her shoulder, expecting that they'll be turning around, and walking toward where she once came from. When she looks back, Jesus is shaking his head. He says to her, "we will not be turning back. You've seen what I needed you to see. Instead, we will be continuing on but, from this point, we will walk together." Jesus takes the young woman by the hand and together they walk forward. Within just a few steps, they reach a small but thriving garden that is all too familiar to the young woman, because it is hers. Together, they stand in the garden, and He turns to face her. He looks at her as she takes a deep breath, and He says, "for you have delighted in the law of the LORD. So you shall be like a tree planted by streams of water which yields you fruit in season, whatever you do will prosper."
The woman smiles and closes her eyes. She reaches her hand out for Jesus, of her own volition this time, with a newfound knowingness of His love and His ever-present guidance--with a newfound understanding of all that has happened and why. She opens her eyes to the garden she stands in, filled up with His presence and, she knows, she is home.