Failure… It’s such a loaded word. Weighted. Dark. And yet… do I even really know what it means? Does anyone? Or are we just repeating what we’ve been told?

Who decided what failure is? And whose set of rules are we being measured by?  Why are we so quick to make failure about identity instead of the event itself? And when did we allow these moments define who we are? 

Is it because we live in a society that measures everything…? Targets, grades, promotions, likes, outcomes... Its as if perceived status and achievement equals worth. And when things don’t go to plan. It becomes personal. You failed. You're a failure . Or worse… "I failed". "I'm a failure". Rarely do we ask why. And often, if we’re honest it’s circumstance… or standards imposed on us either by ourselves or by others.

And the measure isn’t just abstract. How we view failure affects not just how we feel, but the choices we make. It shapes how we think and act. The fear of failure can twist our judgement, make us doubt ourselves, push us to rush decisions, or leave us feeling overwhelmed by what might happen. Sometimes we catastrophise about what could go wrong, or get stuck in the worry loop of thinking we won’t measure up.

The dictionary definition says failure is “lack of success”.  What exactly does that imply? We only get one shot, one moment, pass or fail… as if life were a single door? But life isn’t like that. Life is a long winding corridor. With a myriad of doors. Some locked doors, some swinging wide open. Others cracked open. And many leading to places I never planned to go…. 
So how can not fully opening one door suddenly mean “no success”?

When we were children, we fell hundreds of times learning to walk. Nobody called us a failure. We were encouraged to keep trying. We called it growth. Learning. Development. Adapting. Skill building. So when did trying become failing?
Maybe it’s time we all ask ourselves these questions…

Perhaps we should look to learn from other cultures, the cultures that value the process, mistakes the trial and error. The ones that accept missteps as part of learning, not a reflection of identity. Where imperfection is expected and repeated practice matters far more than a single outcome. Continuous improvement over a lifetime, rather than one single verdict.

Maybe failure only exists when we stop questioning. When we stop trying. As long as we are still moving… still curious… still willing to try again, even when we have no idea where we are going or the results were not what we expected …

So… lets ask the question again.... is it really failure if we get up more times than we fall? If we keep learning, refining, adapting and trying?
Could it simply be a new or unexpected chapter unfolding, like one of those "choose your own adventure" books I loved as a kid, or just a moment to pause or recalibrate?

Every so-called failure carries information. A map of what didn’t work. A clue about what might. An experience to call on later. The people we consider successful,  the artists, entrepreneurs, inventors…. they’ve all “failed” more times than they’ve succeeded. And yet… they didn’t stop. They didn’t accept the label. They learned. They adapted. They tried again. Is that failure? Or is it determination, resilience and courage?

Perhaps it’s time to stop buying into the trap…. believing that success is a destination. Maybe it’s an elaborate construct, designed to keep us cautious, restrained, slaves to conformity… holding us back from thriving.

Life was never meant to be linear. The point isn’t to skip to the end. Or to fall on the sword when the outcome isn’t what we expected. The point is to live the journey. To feel the highs and lows. To experience. To learn its lessons. To grow. 

Could it be that the real failure is believing the story ends when a door closes, when a path takes an unexpected turn or when we didn’t get the result we expected?

And maybe it’s time to reframe failure altogether.... to see it as feedback… not judgement.
Feedback that brings Awareness. Awareness that opens space for Insight and Introspection. From there Learning begins. Understanding grows. Resilience builds. And Experience accumulates… ready to be called on when we try again.....