Reading these brought me back in time to 1994. Hubby and I had just come back to the States after being in Japan for 3 years. During that time several things happened with each of our families, which of course bled over into our relationship. I was the active duty member and Hubby worked on base. At the time I worked in aircraft maintenance. Of a 90 person work place, there were 4 women. I seldom worked at the same time and days as the other women, and didn't really know them. Since I worked in a center full of men (mostly single), I became friends with most of them. Therein lies the problem. For some reason, Hubby decided that if I was a friend with a guy, I must be sleeping with him. His reasoning behind this was that if he was single and worked with another girl, he would probably try to find a way to do just that. I'm not quite sure when I was supposed to have been having these affairs. I worked between 8 and 12 hours a day, 5 to 7 days a week depending on what was going on at the time. I went to school for a good amount of the time that we were there, I was a mother to twin boys who were both under 4 and still in diapers, and for the last year that we were there, I was either pregnant or had just had a baby. During this time, if I was not at work, I was at home with my family. During the time that Hubby worked the opposite shift as I did, I would play with and care for the kids, do the usual house work and my school work.
All of that contributed to problems that, after we arrived home, came to a head. I was sick of the way Hubby was treating me. He was never physically abusive to myself or the kids, but he was emotionally abusive and absent to me. His never ending accusations and suspicion made me angry. In the fall of 1994 I asked for a separation. Hubby talked me into staying and trying to work things out. Things were quite difficult for us for the better part of the two years that followed that. Between two family deaths for him, and some medical complications for me, we found our way back to a relationship that was strong and loving.
While we do have things we disagree about from time to time, there has never been anything severe enough to bring an extended discord to our lives. I think after going through the better part of 5 years of unhappiness and disagreement, we have learned that the little things we come across now are not anything that will cause strife between us. We have learned to communicate and trust in each other. We have learned to make compromises or back down from something we may not feel passionately about. Mostly we have learned to work together as a team, supporting each other and being there whenever needed, emotionally as well as physically. This relationship we have together is something we work on together. It does not just happen on it's own. It isn't something that we fell into, or came across. It is wonderfully joyful work that we do together.
As a note regarding this post to a certain person who reads my diary, this entry does not need to be analyzed. I am simply putting down here some of what I went through during that time. I know exactly how you feel regarding these issues, and you do not need to comment on them.