allimom
A Day In The Life

"My cousin was ADHD and (somewhat) successfully went through the school systems in the 70's and 80's. However, at the time there weren't 47 students in the classrooms.

Yes teachers would like the kids drugged into submission, but there are also conditions and rules teachers need to follow now that weren't in place all those years ago. I can remember when disobedience in the class room put a student in the principals office to be spanked, now teachers are not even allowed to raise their voices to the students, and are required to use passive discipline in the classroom before sending the student to the office. The lawmakers have tied the teachers hands, and now parents are wondering why they can't get the respect of students in the classrooms.

That is a whole rant for me that would go on for pages and pages so I'd better stop before I get to that point!"


I got this off another diary.. You open your mouth and out come my words..(in this case type the words - but you get my message(?)
Just wanted to tell you I totally know where you are at.
I have been going through the ADHD, with a defiant disorder, with my grandson for years.. It began in 2nd grade with the teachers. I refused to get him on meds.. (Untreated.. ADHD).. It took me until he was a teenager for someone convince me he really needed some help.. as in medication..
The struggle goes on. If you read my diary at all you will see.. the reward thing does pay off and also use positive comments, as well as consequences for bad behavior. The key, as I'm sure you know, is in being consistent!!!!!
It is more work on Moms that anyone.. It all comes down to us.. Good thing we are the stronger gender!!! How old is your #2?
My grandson will be 16 in Dec... I raise him.. So I'm basically the Mom and Dad in his situation.
Drop me a line anytime. I feel for ya..
Peggy

Good for you Alimom---rewards, and if that doesn't help, withholding privileges can be a good motivator for reaching long term goals. And I am with you on how to motivate for short term goals (eg: stop being disruptive and disrespectful) but it is a challenge to re-incorporate these tried and true methods safely into schools. It's just as dangerous to have teachers' hands tied when they are trying to control aggressive students as it is to have no restraints on teachers who might be too aggressive when disciplining students, isn't it? What can the answer be--having elected officials on each site who have special psychological training and who have the authority and savvy to handle discipline problems?

Recently I came to the conclusion that I have to set my kids computer time for the week to ZERO each night on ContentProtect (so they can't go in and retrieve yesterday's time by changing the computer clock) and they don't get any more computer time unless and until all their homework and chores are done for the day--and after an hour or so, the computer time stops so they can have fun in other ways, too.

I go to middle school parent teacher conference tomorrow, and I'm also NOT looking forward to visiting with my daughter's Math teacher. What I'm happy about though is that there has been so much improvement since 5th grade when ADD problems first started showing up. Finding new ways, new combinations of meds and behavioral approaches, to deal with it is going to be a continuing issue for us as parents, I guess, and for her as well as she goes through life.

A parent is considered to be an ogre if she withholds medical treatment for 'religious regions' from a child suffering from Measles or an infection or needing a blood transfusion. I hope the day will come soon when parents will be EXPECTED to take advantage of the latest medical advances to help correct properly diagnosed malfunctions/disorders in their child's brain.

All the best to you! Am cheering your vision, not laughing at your illusions!

Have you thought of setting up a token economy with him? Those work really well with teenaged kids.

I agree about the teachers and school districts being backed into a corner because of not being able to dicipline kids at all anymore. There's also a break down of communication between parents and school.

Also teachers aren't therapists and typically (outside of a few) don't specialize in mental disorders. A kid acting out in class could have 100 reason be doing what they're doing. And they treat them all like they're adhd.

Didn't meant to sound like I was attacking you in the last comment or this one. I just get fired up because I have a friend who is an elementary teacher and doesn't get that he has to modify his teaching to fit with that type of brain. It's not a one size fit all thing for kids. And then I just go off on tangents from that though. Plus I really think that adhd kids are the coolest.

The reward approach can be very successful; the key though is consistency, but you already know that. :)

I used a program a few years ago that helped me a lot with both my boys. I made a chart for each that had five or six behavior goals written down as very positive statements such as "I spoke to my teacher with respect today." You taylor the statement to fit the behavior that needs tweaking.

You make a check on the chart each day for each behavior goal that is met. Small rewards are given daily at first as behaviors are met. Our daily reward was the good old Gold Star and a more tangible reward was given at the end of the week.

At first the bar is set fairly low and allows for some reward even if all the goals are not met; say, he meets 3 out of five. When that is consistent, the bar gets raised so more is expected of them in order to achieve the reward. Eventually they have to meet all the goals to get the reward. We were able to raise the bar about every two weeks.

New goals can be added as needed and old ones removed once the behavior is solidly in place. It was a bit of work, but worth it. Their own self esteem rose as they became successful and they started working harder for those rewards.

Don't know if this would help you, but thought I would pass it along.

Good Luck.
Rebecca

Bribes...rewards...they work. My parents used it as motivation many a time. "If you get these grades, we will pay for your whole (school sponsored) trip out of state." "If you practice your ... (piano, study history, etc) every day, we will take you and a friend out to dinner." They used a calendar system. It worked. Maybe you could even ask #2 for suggestions of rewards-that way he will feel like he has a part in his destiny/life/future. Keep up the good, hard, motherly work!

Also, they say that it only takes 21 days to establish a habit. What better habit to instill in your children than a good work ethic. Also involving the other kids in goals might make #2 feel like he isn't being singled out for bad behavior.

Good luck with your plan. I hope it works.