Today was an emotional day for me. I felt jackie, my caregiver, did not understand me at all today or thought I said something or was going to say something. I really dislike It when people think I am going to say this or that! I snapped back and she walked out of the room saying she was going home if I didn’t stop yelling. A few minutes later she asked Debbie to go out of the room with her. That scared me and I thought Jackie was going to leave and have Debbie make sure I got in my apartment after dialysis this morning. Being left alone in the room scared me and I began to cry. I was pissed for the first time as well. The next thing I wanted was to go home and be left alone. Debbie did come back and so didn’t Jackie asking me, ‘are you done now’ as I looked at her with a look of ‘you shut up, bitch’ and said to her in many words that I have always hated people telling me that they know what I am thinking. My dad would yell at me to the point I could not say anything at all, paralyzing me in my spot ... unable to say anything in my defense. also felt, after ALL these years — now going to 56 this summer — to defend myself from his yelling attacks. It’s like I cannot say anything at all!

More soon…I am trying to get my emotions and feelings written for the day.