Dear Jesus,

I am not here to prove a point that I haven’t talked to you in a very long tine because both of us know the truth that I haven’t talked to you in a long tim—-a very long time. Knowing the truth doesn’t mean I am selfish and can do things without you is a nowhere time for me. I can’t do EVERYTHING by myself or without you! As you know I am very stubborn and set in my ways and at times out of control as my monkey brain demands for his banana sometimes and I shut down for a while when things get stressful for me. I do hate myself at that time, too, because I DON’T talk to you right away. Yet, you do not leave me stranded and allow me to come to you when I’m ready to talk and thank you!

When I have a sleepless night like right now, I SHOULD be coming to you to talk away or be silent and allow my mind to rest and get some time to bask in YOU! I don’t know if bit coming to you right away is my lack of faith or the fact that I never ran to my parents with anything that was bothering me and trying to talk it out is soooooo difficult for me to do. You’ve seen me very frustrated when dad is yelling at me and demanding answers from a frightened daughter who cannot sat how she is feeling. My dad’s temper and anger scares me to the point I cannot express myself verbally to him. At this time of my life I find talking my feelings a very hard thing to do and I cope with the end result in such a way that I’ve been involved with life as a daughter of Bob Karnopp and Mary Fox who are my divorced parents since 1979. I was 9 years old! Is my family broken? Yes, it is! Am I mad? NO! I am frustrated at times and I believe my dad doesn’t know me like my mom knows me— I believe in the way I observe with my eyes.

As far as my health is concerned, I have taken the past three years of my life fighting for my independence to be satisfactory to myself and I have changed inro a person I never expected to change me to the point of losing myself in a whirlwind of emotions. Not coming to YOU right away when I have my emotions going in every direction is what it is TODAY! what a daughter I am ashamed of.beinm me…

As you know my pattern as a weak Christian., I don’t come to YOU like I should, hmm? That’s me and I am guilty as charged. i deserve nothing from YOU and yet, you have plans for me. I remember your visit while I was at Evansville Manor for a while during my recovery from Covid 19. My sleepless nights take me to a place I travel to more than once a week. Here I am today, this morning, while awake ALL night finally talking to you directly through this letter for the first time in a very long time from the last time i had a conversation with you expressing myself the one way I know how to write my feelings out in the open. I also know that my talks with you and this letter can be read by Satan/Lucifer, too, but when I don’t allow Satan to attack me with any of what weakens my faith, I am in good hands with YOU, the very being I WANT a relationship with, Jesus! That’s no lie or just me talking and blowing hot air. I do love YoU!!

I remember I am one of those girls who thought of you visiting your brothers and sisters in Christ/YOU on Christmas Day receiving our gifts to you to cheridh and take with you on your journey back to heaven where you prepare a home for all of your followers. I know my saying this publicly and openly after all these years is silly and from imagination gone wild, but an idea from a young person. I was a young girl in my adult years when I thought of. YOU receiving gifts on December 25th from those who truly love YOU, but yet, a good imagination from a young lady of 55 now living a good life.

As far as my belief in you and the 7th Day Adventist Church is concerned, I understand and know that Friday night at sundown to sundown Saturday night is the true sabbath. That fact and since 1999, I have been the Adventist faith. I will never discontinue my Adventist faith! Ellen G White is one of the best people YOU have among believers in the true Sabbath. Amen! I can go on and on from here, but I need a little bit of rest before starting my day and dialysis weekend.

Loving, Kristi K