Well, it’s been awhile, but I am back! Different username because after a decade or so, I could not remember my password. My life has changed considerably, so a new start was warranted. I have grown tired of Facebook and deactivated my account. It was TOO public and required self-censoring unless you want to be barraged by vitriol. (Geez. What the heck is wrong with people these days? So much hatred and narrow-mindedness!) I miss the anonymity and generally supportive and positive environment of the blogosphere! Also, I like to write essays, not innocuous blurbs accompanied by a photo, just so people will “Like” it. Yes, I am a People-Pleaser, but even I hate myself on Facebook! Not sure what I plan on posting here, I just know I can be a little more real and a lot more honest.
So, about me. Well, I used to be here under the names Angelnut and MizzM. As Angelnut, I was a working Mom of two adorable youngsters. As MizzM, I was a divorced mother of two children from a “broken home,” suffering from Working Mom Guilt, and navigating co-parenting and divorce woes. Consequently, I was a mediocre parent and my kids took advantage. My career always came first because I was so focused on being a Good Provider, that I lost sight of old-school parenting. They are still great kids, and I love them very much, but I failed them in so many ways.
After a decade or so of single-parenting and no opportunity or options to have a Life outside of work and kids, I actually met a man at church. We had a mostly long-distance relationship, which worked well for me, as I was used to being on my own, so I wasn’t ready to have a man around 24/7. We got married 2 years ago, even though we were still living in different states. Last November, I had a job transfer approved, down-sized, put my beloved 2500 square foot house on the market, and left all of my friends, my church family, my semi-adultish kids (now 21 and 23), and my 77-year-old father behind to move to a much smaller home in a small town in Northern Arizona.
I do not regret the move at all, and I absolutely love living in a small town again–especially because it is rural, and as a life-long suburbanite, I get very excited about having neighbors with chickens and goats and cows and donkeys! (I especially love donkeys!)
I was a little surprised to learn that we have 1 high school, 1 grocery store, and 5 gun shops. (Am I in Arizona or Texas?) It is also a little startling to notice that everyone is “packing” (because it’s an Open Carry State, and the local youth organizations sell raffle tickets where the prize is “His and Hers Ruger Handguns.”) Also, the Liquor Store (aptly named the “Liquor Barn”) has a Drive-Up window (came in handy during the COVID-19 shut-down–they were one business with record sales!) My husband likes to joke that we are in a town full of redneck hillbillies, so he fits right in! I’m a little bit of a “fish out of water,” but I am adjusting (totally bought raffle tickets for the handguns!)
I do love being with my husband, although, it has been an adjustment for both of us. (That’s an entry for another day!)
I do miss my kids, but, to be honest, they had already moved out into their own apartments, and I only saw them once a month when they needed to do laundry, so being one state away isn’t that much of a stretch. I do wish they would respond to my text messages (I come up with clever excuses to bug them a couple of times a week,) and I also wish we had the kind of relationship where they called their mother every day just to say “Hi” and “I love you,” but we don’t. Instead, I attempt to buy their love by paying for their rent and utilities because they are both college drop-outs and under-employed (again, another entry for another day.) This is a problem with my husband. He is “old school” and thinks I am coddling them and preventing them from (in his words) “growing the F*** up.” He likes to reflect that when he was 17 years old, he was in the Army and a helicopter mechanic, and when he was 21 years old he was a certified welder, and when he was 23 years old he was working on the Space Shuttle. I have to remind him that it is no longer the 1970s. (Ha ha, he is 12 years older than me and likes to reflect on the “Good Old Days.”)
Okay, so I think this is enough “sharing” for now! More to come!