June 18 2011

I haven't been able to write on here as much as I wanted to lately. So much is always going on!

 These last couple of weeks I have been staying especially busy with the girls. One week we participated in a program called safety town where I dropped them off at a school so they coould learn things like what to do if there is  afire, or if mom or dad was sick and they needed to call the police for emergencies, and they even took a field trip to a fire station where they rode on a school bus to learn how to get on and off the right way and how to sit down and not play while on there. Most of this was to help them get ready for kindergarten in the fall.

 I can't believe that they will both probably be going to school at the same time. My younger daughter has a form of autism and because she also has a high IQ they said it woul be better to put her into kindergarten instead of holding her back because there is a good chance that she would regress more if she went to preschool, where they would be teaching her things she just already has known or a while, and that may make yher bored, and make her not be able to sit still and stuff. My father in law is the only so far that I know is against it, but I want to at least try with her and see how she does, because I can always try something different if it doesn't work out, like put her in a smaller class or even pull her out and wait till next year if I need to. Her therapist that she sees in an office will actually end up seeing her in school, so that makes me feel better knowing she'll get a good sense of what is going on then by being there, and I'll stay on top of it as her mom, too.

This last week we went to a church where we have never been and didn't know anyone yet and hafd vacation bible school. I volunteered to help out in one class, and each of the girls were in theri own cl;asses and we had the best time! It started on a Sunday and went through Thursday at night, and that Sunday my girls also got promoted to new Sunday school classrooms in our own church. That night my older daughter asked Jesus to live inside her heart, she was saved 🙂

We were gven some butterflies from my older sister that we just let go a few days ago. We had 9, and thry started off by being caterpillars and we got to watch them hatch out of their cocoons and become butterflies which was cool. I also was given a sucker fish I named Lollipop, and really he's ok, but I am tired of having to have ohne more thing I have to do all the time, like now on top of all the things I have to do in a day I also have to remember to feed this fish twice, and it's a pain. Oh, well. I didn't want her to just dump it out somewhere or something, couldn't say no, so I have a fish now.

There was this guy that asked me out one time, but it got to where I just ignored him and didn't answer the phone anymore because he called too much and I just don't have enough time to make for someone right now. I also am not even divorced yet, so I don't feel like I should be dating, but at the same time I feel as if we are divorced so I wouldn't care too much if I could find the right guy and some time to give him. The last time I saw him though, the kids, my needs to be soon ex and I were buying a few things at the store where he worked, and I didn't feel all that great about how I looked that day or anything, but when he saw me there he had given me this look like "wow, she looks so good". He seemed to realy admire me, and that was confusing because I felt bad until I saw how he looked at me. Not only that, but when he saw J coming around behind me, he looked disgusted, and I know that's probably because I once have shared with him about how hard it is to usually get any help from him, and how he doesn't spend enough time with our girls. This new guy, he has always liked the girls. Always smiles at them, and obviously loves kids. I had thought he came over to us just to say hi to the kids at first, never imagined he actually liked me for a while! He  is younger then me, but taller, very cute, smiles a lot, and seems to be a hard worker. He seems to like me, even when I don't always feel that great about myself, loves the kids, and wants to date me. I want someone with those kinds of characteristics, I just don't know how to fit a new relationship in.

Today I am home alone waiting for the girls to get back from spending the night at the in laws. I think I'll even pick them up, nostly out of boredom. I wasn't sure that they should spend the night because we are working hard on getting some routines established here at home, and I am trying to get them used to the idea that they can't always spend the night on fridays beause once they are in school I will never see them during the days other then Saturdays, with school being all day long and having church on Sundays. I was ok with it last night though because I remembered that today is a year from when their cat, one that i was pretty close to myself had died. I am hoping that with the girls being there it would help cheer them up if they think about it, and I am just trying hard not to think about her myself.

Today also happens to be the day that I lost my virginity due to being raped in 2000. It was Fathers day then, but no, it wasn't my father.

I hope I can get on here more, I don't make a lot of time for myself in any way and get sick of it, especially when I have a lot of things going on all the time and just need to sort things out when I can