I miss grandbaby kisses. I miss them terribly – yet here I am being blessed with having all 3 grandkids come to the house this weekend. Yes, I have been seeing them about weekly, but I go to them to drop off things like masks I sewed, or other whatnot. And I wear a mask to protect them. No grandbaby kisses for me.
Yesterday my daughter came by but I didn’t know she was coming. I was just standing in the kitchen making breakfast in my jammies and in they come: Sunshine Baby and Beaming Boy. Sunshine Baby is 10 now, Beaming Boy 9. I turn around to the sound of their sweet voices yelling ‘Nana!’
‘Eeeeeeeeeeeek’ I cannot stop screeching with joy I am so happy to see them. I hug them, sniff their hair, kiss their beaming faces and hug them more. But I do not kiss their lips. Nope. I cannot do that because of the pandemic. A part of me says whatever! We are hugging and touching and breathing the same air. There are so many unknowns. I cannot control that they stopped by to bring back a pie dish. I certainly am not going to tell them they cannot hug me. What I can control is not purposely putting them at risk. If they became ill because I was contaminated them then I would feel horrible. Or even worse if they struggled for life or maybe lost a parent… my thoughts cannot go there. I could never live with myself. I forego grandbaby kisses so I don’t wonder if I made them or their parents sick.
Today my son and his wife came over to help Mr T fix the sprinklers. And of course they brought Angel Baby. I call her Angel Baby because I prayed for her sweet life every single day for years. Every. Single. Day. God answered my prayers in amazing ways that is an entire other story that I will share someday. Anyhow, Angel Baby is 1 year 7 months old and she is as sweet as can be! Her beautiful long dark eyelashes would steal even the coldest heart. I greeted them at the door as they were walking up and she wouldn’t look at me or acknowledge me. She didn’t seem to recognize me 😨 I am not about to make her hug and love me if she does not want to so just chilled and waited for her to warm up. They stayed for a couple hours and she would sit sweetly on my lap and play. No open arm reaches out to me, no soft chubby cheeks near mine. I guess that is all it takes is 6 weeks for her to not recognize me warmly anymore – how awful! I have seen her weekly every day of her sweet little life but less since the pandemic started, and when I did I wore a mask. Anyhow, no grandbaby kisses for me.
Other than this is was a good day. I find it interesting that although numbers of the infected are climbing, I am tiring of all my efforts of prevention. As a nurse I know better. We ordered groceries online and picked them up in the evening. I felt badly for yelling at Mr T for washing his hands in the kitchen sink. Silly things like that are a risk. I was using the utility sink to wash the incoming items. Yes, we are washing everything that comes into our home. No chances here. Everything comes in through the garage dirty and clean through the utility room. Shoes outside. After going to a store clothes into the washer. Even mail has a quarantine place. 🤷🏻♀️
Yet I tire of this. Are my efforts futile? In vain? I do not know. I remind myself that if I am going to be around the wee ones then press on I will. All efforts matter to ensure they are safe. Am I selfish for seeing them? Probably. I do not know the answer here. I certainly wouldn’t see them if I thought we were exposed. My definition of risk of exposure has lowered though. I didn’t even wear a masks to get my pick up groceries today. We just sat in our car, nice young man loading up things in back. We have a forerunner so it is all open. No anxiety or alarm – I realize I am somehow adjusting to this new norm. Very interesting. Why did I not have a desire to put on my mask?