Diary of an Agoraphobic

Day... heck knows...

Just realised that it's only ten days til I first developed Agoraphobia, 6 months ago. I can't really decide if the time has gone quick or slow. But I do know that this is becoming one of the hardest times of my life.

Agoraphobia is something I would never wish upon anyone, no matter their social status, occupation, gender, race or 'class'.

I guess I'm unsure of where I am in my life at the moment.
All of today so far I've been sat in my bedroom watching various tv shows, ranging from Takeshi's Castle to Two and A Half Men. Don't get me wrong, I do love watching those kind of shows, but there's only so much sitting down and paying attention to the television that you can take in a certain amount of time.

There's many things I wish I could say while writing this, but I hope that if others do read this, it can give them an insight into how Agoraphobia affects not only the sufferer themselves, but also their friends and family around them.

Granted I've started this diary almost 6 months into my Agoraphobia, but still, the point and the moral of this is still the same. You could lose something very close/dear/important to you within the blink of an eye. In my case, it's as though I've lost my freedom to do things that make me and other people happy. I'm a prisoner within the house you could say, all because of a 'mental' condition that stops me from being outside.

Don't get me wrong, I do WANT to be outside, it's just a case of re-training my brain not to freak out in the big wide world. But when you've been suffering as long as I have, not only from Agoraphobia, but depression also, it's very hard to tell yourself something opposite to what you've been living for the previous 6 months.

My dad said to me today that I need to focus more on getting out and about, because my cousin's wedding is in July. I know it's important to everyone that I attend that wedding. But at the end of the day, I need to try and overcome this in a way and timescale that suits my brain and body. If people keep reminding me that I HAVE to be somewhere, or I have a 'target place', it just seems to make me feel worse and feel under pressure to get 'well' again.

I will be posting another entry tomorrow at some point, with some more of my thoughts and stories of living with Agoraphobia.
Keep an eye out for it and I hope you'll come back and read my new entries as time goes on.

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