Life Goes On No Matter What

            It has been a while since I have written in my diary.  My last entry was August 22, 2019.  I have been a busy gal and August was a rough month for me for dialysis.  I have survived the rough month with help from the doctors, nurses, and techs at the dialysis center helping to resolve what issues I had with the catheter during dialysis.  From April 24, 2019 when I officially started dialysis in the hospital to August 28, 2019 I had my catheter replaced once so far.  My fistula that was placed in November 2016 stopped working properly after ten months after placement and then the graft that was placed in July 2019 stopped working properly a few days after placement when a clot was found.  I have been using a catheter since April 24, 2019 and they need to be replaced from time to time.  I plan on seeing about getting a graft placed in my left arm as soon as it is feasible to do so and that will be the third time I have had a procedure done for placement for hemodialysis.  My blood is thicker like many others out there so placing a graft may show that it will not work at all and I will have to continue to use the catheter.  My doctor told me that placing another graft can be put on hold for now.  I am on Warfarin right now to thin the blood and the doctor is keeping an eye on my INR/PROTIME through blood tests every week.  The numbers shown in the blood test allow the doctor to determine the amount of Warfarin I take.  Right now I am taking 4 mg on dialysis days and 5 mg on non-dialysis days.  I have not heard from the doctor or nurses from dialysis about my dosage being changed for the week yet. Since this is only Saturday, I may hear something today when I go in for dialysis.  If not, the dosage stays the same.

            Since I have not been writing since August 22, 2019, I feel I have a lot to share in one diary entry.  Time is short right now as personal cares is looming close to time that my thoughts will have to wait for a while until I get a chance to write again.  I do get up early enough to do what I want to do online and on my computer each morning and I giving loves to Bing Crosby the Cat is a given as I give him attention also.  I have not been taking time for God each morning and evening like I should each day lately and that is something I need to get back to.  My days are better when God is included or I include him in my life.  He is the reason why I wake up every morning as well as have the best health a woman with ESRD who is on dialysis three times a week.  I should not be forgetting God!  In so many words, as I write in my diary here, I am sharing my love for God with others despite the fact that there are some debatable issues here as the truth is being told here.  I have to go for now and I will be back again as soon as I can.

            Life has been great otherwise.  Dialysis does not stop me from living a full life.  I have my days with aches and pains, moans and groans, anxiety and panic, but I believe that those days are private now than public nowadays.  Life is great!  God is good to me and I am thankful for the days He gives me even though some days may be considered dreary.  Yes, I can smile through the aches and pains plus find a reason to laugh through the hard times.  That is the way I am and I have friends, workers, and family who make me smile no matter what happens in life.  I am human and God made me the person  I am for a reason and I will share my life with others any way I can.

It Must Be One of Those Weeks…

Dialysis last week did not go very well.  My blood clotted the machine so dialysis was stopped and I went home early.  Today I talked to the nurse LV about how I felt because dialysis could not be completed in 3 ½ hours.  I feel tired, bloated, short of breath, and irritable.  My case at the dialysis center will be looked into so that I can get through dialysis tomorrow between Dr. A and the nurse P (male) and nurse LV (female).  I need relief.  I feel I am back to square one as I am gaining weight because the fluid in my body is building up due to dialysis not able to be completed.  I am frustrated.  I hope that my dialysis situation will be resolved this week as my blood clots the machine and my catheter does not work properly on either side (venus – blue, arterial – red).  All week last week, despite the frustration I feel, I want to believe there is hope. This is a trail I have to get through. This is one of those trials that confuses me right now.  I will have to wait until tomorrow to see what the outcome will be to relieve the situation.

I am also a little nervous about what is going to be said when it comes to the perceived tone one of the techs W (male) had last Tuesday and on Thursday when I did my best to take care of the issue myself before going to others who can help me take care of the issue.  If W did not feel he did not have a tone that scared me, I do not find that the issue.  The issue is how he reacted when I did my best to tell him that he had a tone of voice that was not appropriate and another tech and patient he told what I said to him.  Not appropriate in my book.  Here I was, Thursday, doing what was right.  It may not have been the outcome I had hoped it would have been either.  My heart is broken over W’s reaction.  The idea of other people at the dialysis center being involved was not in my plans, but I had to do what was right.  Integrity is the key here.  I am not going to be belittled anymore.

When AR decided to quit immediately, last Tuesday, I felt betrayed.  I felt so hurt that I did not know what to say or think about the text she sent.  I called DKF and my IRIS consultant JR immediately upset.  I had no time to find out what AR wanted to do about the hours this time.  The following morning, Wednesday, I decided to text AR back with my thoughts from the heart. If I hurt her, my intentions were not to do so, but my heart had to say what it needed to say.  I did not know, until Saturday, August 17 that dialysis was going to be an issue that needed to find a resolution yet.  I was already a little frustrated with W and his tone of voice, and then I get a text from AR saying that she was no longer working for me because of the hours being cut.  I felt that I was double whammed.  I was mad, sad, frustrated, and felt betrayed.  I no longer wanted anything to do with AR.  Our relationship was over entirely except I would not stop praying for her and her family.

I am looking forward to what the resolution will be as far as dialysis is concerned.