Just Sharing

For me, starting at 6 AM, my day began. At 7 AM, DKF came to help with my care, watch one TV program with me, and then leave for the rest of the weekend to have time with her husband. She is allowed to do that once in a while. I am home, not defenseless defending my turf the best I can while she’s not here. I can do this. I know I can. 

My routine has not changed. It has was modified for the weekend for the first time in a month. Ever since May 2019, I have been fearful of strangers and will talk to certain people. Trust has become a tough subject. I would probably cry at the drop of a hat if I ever saw my former ninth-grade English teacher after all these years if I saw her again. Then, I might just be overjoyed seeing her, giggle my goofy giggle from excitement, and give her a big hug for the first time in twenty years. I am only dreaming momentarily. She is in AZ while I am in WI now. Why am I thinking of my former ninth-grade English teacher now? I learned a lot from her in the classroom I have not forgotten. Why can’t I move on from her? It is like I am obsessed or something – unhealthy and not a good thing. She is in her 80s now. My former ninth grade gym teacher has been gone – dead – since 2019, last year. She was one teacher who helped me through some tight spots in life (when my Grandpa Clarence passed away in 2003). I’ve said what has been on my mind a lot lately just now. Anyway, I am glad today has come. I am so happy to have the rest of the weekend except for when I go to dialysis in the morning for my three hour and fifteen-minute treatment three times a week.

How is everyone dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic? I am doing EVERYTHING I can to remain safe and away from getting sick. 

I do what I have to do to remain safe, secure, and healthy. I haven’t got my nails and a haircut since April now, and it feels weird losing some of my routine and pampering. I learned today, from DKF, because the Coronavirus has spiked in Rock County, starting Monday, we have to wear masks in most shopping stores and continue safe social distance. I still cannot get my nails or haircut. I have to continue to work on my health at this time. This month, next Wednesday, July 22, 2020, I have two appointments. 

One at 8:45 AM and another at 2:00 PM. 

I am nervous about my morning appointment because it is based on mapping my arms for access for a fistula/graft. I have been using a catheter ever since April 24, 2020, and it was replaced once on August 28, 2019. Yep, I’ve had the second one almost a year now – eleven months coming up in over a week. Just recently, about two weeks ago, I have yet to learn to be calm and relaxed for the catheter to do its job with success more so than not being successful at all. 

Those moments are I get it moments, and they are like having a V8 commercial rerun in your brain. Does that sound funny? I think it does – in a way – then not in the other direction.

Yesterday afternoon, while heading home from treatment, DKF shared a woman’s comedy act. Ok, I am one of those people who would roll her eyes at sexual connotations in-jokes or a comedy sketch, but this time I laughed hard that tears were forming in my eyes. What is happening to me? Does turning 50 have something to do with it? That can’t be it. Can it be that I am getting settled in my life and taking things more lightly? I am still a work in progress. I am one of God’s children doing her best at surviving in a divided world when it comes to politics, religion, and sexual orientation. 

I am straight, people, and I know some friends who are not straight, and I pray for them. Boy, I enjoyed this comic. She was good. DKF knows when to get my spirits back up from a stupor that was low in a lifetime. 

Now, she is going to be gone for two days instead of one this weekend. Time to fend for me and hold my head up high from here and back when treatment comes and goes. Let the weekend begin. I can do this. I was able to take a nice, long breath of relief.

Since it is 3:30 PM here, I will come back later before retiring for the night. It has been a good day so far. I have the AC running because it is supposed to get hot today and tomorrow. Bing is resting in the living room or under the bed, and I have watched Criminal Minds, Diagnosis Murder, and have taken the time to have worship with God. I had some devotions to get caught up on as I have had missed three days of worship. I didn’t take my iPad with me yesterday, and I am not taking it tomorrow. I just wanted to sit and rest my eyes or chat with JA, who happens to be another patient I got to know in recent weeks at the clinic. When MC died, an open chair in the morning came up, and JA took the spot after being dialyzed on the second shift of three shifts for the first few weeks of her starting treatment. She has Dr. S (female) while I have Dr. A (male). I will write more later.

This entry was posted in DIARY.

3 comments

    • ksmiley says:

      I am still work in progress. It is not easy on anxiety-driven days, but I manage the best I can each day. I am doing my best at reading devotions that are relatable to my needs as well as doing a 365-day commitment. If I miss a day or two, I catch up by doing the days I missed first before doing the day that is the day of the devotion. God is teaching me things I am doing as a review, and then I am doing what is not review, ey-popping, heart-grabbing truth in the Bible.

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