A Broken Heart Day

Okay, I was planning on not writing about my thoughts and feelings tonight, but it looks like plans have slightly changed, as I sit here writing about my life today. It was one of those days. I did not have my IRIS worker MC come because I needed to have a day to myself. Yesterday, although dialysis went perfectly for me, hearing about a patient passing away had numbed me a little bit. I’m not particularly eager to cry in public when I need to. My sleep pattern seemed to be okay even though I did not go to bed until after 11 PM last night and woke up before 6 AM to begin my day. I felt the need to cry throughout the day because of the patient who passed away on Thursday, February 13, 2020, was someone I enjoyed seeing every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Now her presence is not going to be at the dialysis center anymore. I loved this patient with her attitude about life at the age of 84. She was an amazing woman. Her drive to make others laugh is going to be gone until another patient with the same attitude comes to the clinic. I go to the clinic with the right attitude myself, but I go because I need to have dialysis due to kidney disease. I am not the kind of person who feels life is over and cannot deal with what is happening. I want others to know that my life is not always a ripe bowl of cherries every day, but when I go to the dialysis center, I want to show that I have come this far in life for a reason. Today I had a broken heart, and I still want to cry.

The woman who passed away had the same initials as my IRIS worker MC. May MC, the dialysis patient who passed away Thursday, February 13, 2020, rest in peace. May God give MC’s loved ones the comfort they need during their time of grief and loss. Since May 7, 2019, I got to know a fine woman, and now I have memories of her to last the rest of my life on earth.

Now it is time for me to say good night.

2 comments

  1. yetzirah says:

    So sorry to hear that someone you admired and that helped you has gone. It’s the most astonishingly difficult thing about being a human being… knowing that our lives in this dimension will come to an end. It’s a testament to our resiliance and courage that we wake up every day and do what is set before us. May you be comforted in the next days and weeks as you adjust to things the way they are now. . . .

    • ksmiley says:

      Yetzirah — Thank you for your kind words of thought on my thoughts I wrote yesterday. It has been a rough couple of days, but I survived them.

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