A Lot of Thought

I have an idea that I need to talk to Dr. A about.  I am getting a little frustrated with Warfarin.  I wish not to take Warfarin anymore.  I do not mind that my INR is checked every week while I am being dialyzed Thursdays.  Having my INR checked every week is not the problem to be honest with myself, the doctors who are trying to help me, nor is it a problem to get my labs done every month while at the dialysis center; it’s getting to the point of taking 4mg dialysis days and 5mg on non-dialysis days.  My idea will have to wait for a couple of days now.

            After dialysis on Saturday, Sunday and Monday is what I call dialysis weekend.  Every week day (Monday – Friday) I always wake up between 5 AM – 7 AM to get my day started because I have personal cares at 7 AM – 10:30 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and 7 AM until 9 AM when I am dropped off at the dialysis clinic for treatment on Tuesday, Thursday, and an occasional Saturday.  Now DKF WANTS to make sure I get to dialysis safely since my fear of strangers has been an issue.  Some weekends she has plans that interfere with her getting me to the clinic, but that is handled by a company MTM in Madison who finds the right company to get me safely to the clinic and back home again.  My fear of strangers is beginning to fade away into nothingness slowly.  Thank goodness for that!  I was beginning to wonder if I was permanently broken by fear.  I have been cautious about talking about my fear of strangers with certain people as well.

            I am glad Sunday is here.  I can sleep in until 8 AM unless Bing Crosby the Cat is meowing at me because he is hungry and thirsty.  I do my best at keeping a schedule for him but sometimes he does not understand schedules.  Cats are like that…apparently…smile.  I sure do love my kitty cat Bing Noel Crosby Karnopp no matter what.  Today was one of those days I had to tell Bing that I will get him fed when I get up several times and we go through this a lot.  Sleeping in one day out of the entire week is ONLY on Sundays these days since I do not have anyone coming until 5 PM in the evening for personal cares.  DKF does not work on Sundays for me except on occasion when I might go to church with her and her husband SF.  I have a worker MC (female) working for me Saturdays and Sundays after AR has quit her job a second time in a year since she began working for me.  I am still a little niffed about AR quitting and then talking to DKF about her hours but telling me the hours being cut was not my fault.  From talking to DKF, it sounded like AR was throwing me under the bus with not talking to me about it when she said she said she has but I refused to talk about it.  I feel betrayed when people throw me under the bus like that!  Anyway, I am glad that MC is back working with me.

            Please forgive me for getting off track about my feelings about AR throwing me under the bus in the last paragraph.  I have done my best at putting what happened on the back burner of my mind but sometimes a thought can bring certain memories back onto the front burner of mind and I let it sit and stew a bit.  That is for sure what happened this morning.  My heart aches when certain memories of being burned pop up.  Even my brother’s birthday is coming up this week is stirring up some “not so good” memories that makes my blood boil a bit inside me to where my face feels hot with as if a fever is brewing without the illness.  I have been hurt, lied to and my brother has allowed his wife to lie about what I did or did not do.  Because of that, I did not speak to them for a year, and after that, never heard from them again as it was their choice to cut me out of their lives.  I am sad but I do not need any negativity in my life anymore.