The Program and Another Milestone

I got back from the Aqua Jay Ski Show with DKF and SF.  The theme for this summer is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Willy Wonka.  I found it awesome and refreshing, and I enjoyed every minute of it.  To be very honest, I have always enjoyed time with DKF and SF, or with one or the other when it is possible.  Today I was able to enjoy myself, with them, at the city’s Rock County, ski show that happens every Wednesday and Sunday evenings.  Some people go to the ski every week or once in a while and to be very honest, it has been a long time I have been to a ski show.  I believe it has been a few years.  Anyway, I enjoyed myself, and I got back a little while ago. The weather has been fantastic this weekend of July 6 and 7.  Not hot out. 80-degree weather.

            I feel I have made another milestone in my walking ability today.  I do not get that may steps in while walking in my apartment to and from room to room, but today I made 1,196 steps while walking about in my home and from the parking lot of Traxler Park in Janesville, Wisconsin to the ski show and back from the ski show to the parking lot this evening.  I did it without stopping or feeling short of breath.  It was a great pleasure to keep moving and the 80-degree weather was perfect enough to walk a good, longer distance than I have gotten used to in the past few years.  It felt good and I am feeling I have accomplished something that I wanted to do for so long. DKF parked her van out of the way of other vehicles.  I was worried that it was going to take me a while to get to where we were going to sit but walking until I got to my destination both ways was an accomplishment in my book of endeavors.

            Now that I am home, I am going to take the rest of the evening to rest.  I will go to bed shortly.  I am staying up a little later than usual since I got home shortly before 9 PM and decided to watch a little bit of Remington Steele on the Decades channel. It is a little after 10 PM now and bed is looming close.  I am going to head off here for the night and come back sometime tomorrow.  It has been a great day.

Planned Outing and the Source of Dread

I am going to see the Aqua Jays ski show tonight weather permitting with DKF and her husband SF. I have not seen the ski show for a long time now and so this is my first time in a few years.  I am excited.  Now, I will be two people and the others will be total strangers.  I am going to be spending a couple of hours out of my comfort zone I have come to know since my last hospital stay from April 24 – May 6, 2019. I believe I can do this.  If I do not feel very comfortable, I can always let DKF know I need to walk around.  I cannot wait until I get outside in the beautiful weather.  We have been having 80-degree weather this whole weekend.

A little while ago some emotions washed over me. Fear. Panic.  Memories of my hallucination episodes replayed in my memory of what I still remember.  A nightmare of sorts.  A bad dream that stemmed real life events but was not really happening in the real world that was not hallucination.  I would say scary and if it was a scale from 1 to 100, I would say 100.  My hallucinations were that scary.  Why I was afraid/fearful and panic wash over me, clouding my happiness, is because I am having a fistula placement procedure done July 12 and it is my second procedure now with the same doctor Dr. S.  I have an unusable fistula in my left arm right now and my second fistula is going to be placed in my right arm in the same area as my left arm fistula was for the first ten months it was placed and healed and when I did not need it yet.  I have decided to look at Bing Crosby the Cat to see if he could get his cuteness to make me smile.  He turned on his cuteness and made me look at him.  Paying attention to Bing was the best that ended my fear and panic.  I even took the time to ask for God’s help in my emotional state as well.