What a beautiful day today turned out to be. After dialysis this morning from 9:15 pm to 1:30 PM, I sat outside and enjoyed the nice spring weather we are now beginning to have before summer really begins. The fresh air was awesome this afternoon. Spending 3 ½ hours at a dialysis center 3 days a week can make me feel confined at times, but today that feeling was nonexistent. I was able to read a book through dialysis and just a few minutes before I was unhooked, I was able to sit still and relax. The temperature reached 81 degrees today. I think I wore the wrong clothing as I was wearing my favorite outfit for dialysis because it can get a little chilly in the big room, but I really wasn’t. When I finally got home and relaxed, I got comfortable for the evening. I will be heading to bed around 7 PM tonight. I need to reflect on my beautiful day.
One of hardest for me to do is to write my thoughts and feelings on paper, whether it is on a computer screen or on a piece of paper. Those days are often now. I repeat myself often enough and wonder if other diarists like me/not like me take the time to read what I have written. It is not that I am still having a rough time emotionally…. I just have a routine now that works for me with dialysis scheduled three days a week. Dialysis kicked my behind yesterday to the point that my body was slow moving, but glad to be moving even the slightest movement. Yesterday’s kick in the behind was the first time I have felt like something or someone has made me feel whooped. Tomorrow is another day – a new day. I take one day at a time now and do my best at not worrying about things even though worrying is in my nature. Why can I not worry so much and leave all my worries to God? Does it have something to do with the fact that I am one of those people who keep things bottled up inside until the bottle is opened and I want to scream? That’s me, perfect, right? Nope. I am just a worrier.