Spilling Out My Feelings This Evening I

Sabbath has begun so here I am relaxing and listening to some music before heading to bed a little bit earlier tonight.  From now on, during the fall and winter months while we have longer nights than we do days, I will be going to bed early so I can enough rest for Saturday (Sabbath) and be awake during Sabbath school and worship service.   When we have DST (Daylight Savings Time) in the fall time, it seems to throw my body off a little bit for a few days.  I prefer spring and summer months, and cool fall days that come BEFORE the cold wintry days and before DST.  Despite my little grumping about, I am glad that Sabbath has arrived.

As I sit here, listening to relaxing music on Pandora (Roku/TV), I do have to admit that my weekend has finally arrived and relaxation is on the schedule for the entire weekend outside of going to church in the morning for a few wonderful and blessed hours.  I do enjoy going to church.  Anyway, I am just enjoying some quiet time here at home with Bing Crosby the Cat behind me on the back of the recliner since I am working on my computer here instead of at my desk this evening.  I am taking full advantage of my weekend starting this weekend until spring returns next year in 2018.  I have not sat un my recliner while on my computer for a very long time.  I have gotten out of that habit over a year ago but get on my computer once in a while.  I am still a work in progress here.

As time moves on ahead, my life as a totally independent woman once again, I have to say that it is a great feeling.  I do miss some of the people I got to know in the past 30 or so odd years from UCP (United Cerebral Palsy Apartment Living Program) and IDS (Independent Disabilities Services) I do miss with a great fondness, it feels good to be independent once again in my life.  I find that being Kristi Mary Karnopp is not always easy but it is indeed a progress of life experiences, understanding(s), patience, and growth.  Even at the age of 47, I am still learning and growing…not just growing older.

Living at Burbank Plaza Apartment Complex has indeed been on the upside lately.  I have not bothered with a lot of activities here lately because my life is different from most of them in here now.  I’d rather be in my own apartment enjoying my live than out in the apartment building visiting with others listening to the gossip and rumors that fly rampart in a place like this.  It is best to have your own home and I understand many people cannot afford their own home because I do not have my own home, either.  I am here, in an apartment building with thin walls, and the insulation is kind of thin, too, lol.  I am happy with my personal cares worker and workers from IRIS coming into my apartment, taking care of business outside the home and coming back to my own, safe place, I can call home at this time in my life.  Growing in a family who had parents who owned a home of their own because of their hard work, sweat and tears, and living on my own since December 1989, I have lived in apartments all of my adulthood like most young people as well as those older than me, and the idea of having a larger home with more space does kind of scare me a little bit.  I know for a fact that I would be a hoarder like Grandpa Clarence if I had my own home.  My grandpa was not a hoarder really.  Their home was livable and manageable but he did collect certain items and had them in the basement all the time I have known him until his death.  He was an ordinary man who took time to teach the young ones who flocked around him on a regular basis and boy, do I ever have fond memories of Grandpa Clarence coming and going as I write.  Anyway, I have been used to apartment living for thirty years, and it just needs to be adjusted from time to time.  I am happy to have a good, quiet neighbor above now, too.  The memories of my former neighbor and friend RS still linger after being in a funk for six months dealing with her stuff she was doing and thinking she was getting away with but didn’t after six months.  I keep to myself now.

Spilling Out My Feelings This Morning I

It is 7:20 AM this Friday morning.  I have time to write in my diary now because I am making time to write.  I have figured out one thing in my life this week and that is not giving myself enough time to write in my diary, journal, or blog, and talk to God.  When I talk to God, I feel so much better and my heart fills with joy I cannot always explain.  You see, this week has been fine but yet a rollercoaster ride with some idea of a possible schedule change in my personal care hour with DK, I did not know my parents were still driving when I tried calling them back a couple of hours later after.  I felt that my dad’s wife bit my head off, and then yesterday, talking to my dad, he did not listen to my voice message yet.  That made me feel foolish and very impatient.  Why can I not wait?  I know that my dad’s wife was not talking to me in a very strict tone or anything but it sounded like it.  I was feeling a little down.  I will be okay, though.  This fall weather has been a little off for me since the daylight savings time has happened last weekend.  I survived the first night with no problems but as the week continued, my body has been having an issue or two.  I did not even go to church Wednesday night and it just about killed me not to go.  I have been mad about it ever since.  I am going to church tomorrow because I want to and I have the mission story.

Here I am spilling out my feelings with hopes of getting the feelings out in the open and out of my ever overflowing, always working brain of mine.  I know I am not the only person out in this cruel and half-hateful world of ours but there are days I do feel that I am the only one in this world.  With that said, I am so happy that I have three people in my life that help take care of me throughout the seven days a week.  One of them is DB, who has been in my life for almost three years now helping me get groceries, help clean and organize when she can, laundry, and cleaning and of course, I cannot forget about DK who helps me with my personal cares and in the past four weeks with organization.  Despite my moodiness that is not quite so happy, I do have something to look forward to.  The last person I am glad is a part of my life and that is JR.  She is my IRIS consultant for the past few months now.  She is helping me make sure everything, and I mean everything, runs smoothly and without any problems.  I am also admitting that ever since IDS has closed their doors to the clients they have served for a long time still lingers on my mind. If I think about it on a daily basis the IDS program is not far enough back in the past yet.  Maybe in a year I will think differently.  Sometimes it is hard to leave what was so good in the past because memories come and go.  Even though it is not possible, even bad memories come and go, and they should remain in the past where they belong.  I deal with memories that are both good and bad throughout the year and sometimes I feel that nagging feeling something is about to happen that may not be the best in my present life.  I have that fear but then God should be the One I go to, right?  Right!