Trust is Fractured

Sometimes I wonder about people when their attitude gets out of joint or being disrespectful.  I know it throws a corkscrew among friendships and relationships sometimes and that is exactly what has happened to me personally in the past two weeks now.  Trust has been misplaced between my friend and neighbor RS and I because her attitude has gotten out of joint or at least her nose.  It’s not pretty whatsoever.  I just cannot trust her now knowing that she lied to me now that I have heard two sides of the story of why friends get mad at her.  It just makes my heart each badly enough that I have been lied to by a friend who professes to be a Christian.

I know Christians can fall down and get back up again getting on the right track or back on the wagon so in some ways I am giving my neighbor RS some benefit of doubt that she has lost her way being smitten with the opposite sex who does deeply care for her.  That does lighten the heavy achiness I feel somewhat because I have been there myself when I was in my twenties and thirties myself thinking I needed a man in my life to be happy.  Certain things can overtake what is more important when love is involved in a relationship at times and in the beginning of a relationship.  Whether or not RS has fallen off the wagon for a short time or is of the world and not of God, I am praying for her no matter if I want a friendship any longer with her from this day forward.  I cannot have a relationship with her any longer.  She has lost her trust with me and it will take a lot of time to earn her trust again.  I do not mind with RS being in love, having someone who loves her, and she needs to feel loved after the marriages and relationships have either failed or just ran their courses for other reasons.  I do want her to be happy with someone of the opposite sex – of course – but when it comes to disrespecting my need for space or the quiet hours in the building that does not make comfortable whatsoever.  I just do not like disrespect.

Morning Thoughts

I am not sure if it is a good morning just yet.  I have been up a little before 7 AM hoping to have slept in until 7:45 AM this morning but of course that did not happen.  It always seems to happen with me a lot lately.  Either I sleep a lot or I do not sleep enough.  This sleep pattern I have right now is really driving me crazy to be very honest here.  I have no control.  With what happened yesterday afternoon in the lobby of the apartment complex my heart is very hurt by someone’s attitude (mentioned yesterday) and I have decided this time that she owes me an apology and our friendship is indeed over.  I have my shower gal MP coming at 9 AM this morning then the rest of the day is all mine and then I go to Beloit tomorrow to church with JM.  No, I will not be going to Woodland Community Church this week with Pastor V and his wife CV.  It is just going to be Bing Crosby the cat and I home all day bored to death or just relaxing,   I do not really feel like writing in my diary today but here I am doing just that despite how I feel.