I have after all…decided to write my friend a letter to ask her to stop complaining to me about my other friend. – a copy of the letter (names left out) is included here now.
Mar 24, 2001
I am writing you this letter/note to you to tell you that I felt very uncomfortable of you mentioning (name) sneezing and coughing on you. I wish for your complaining about (name) to stop between you and I because I am keeping friends with both of you. I want to remain friends with you as well as (name), but the complaining in front of me about Janie has to stop right now. I know you don’t care about (name), but if you have a problem with her, go to her directly and take care of your problem between you two and stop involving me. I do feel like a doormat when people do this to me. I am not a doormat for someone to wipe their feet on. I am a person with feelings and problems of my own, too.
Sometimes writing in a journal does not always help, but when the words come across the paper, writing does eventually help. Today is one of those days! I am unsure about writing ,y most intermost feelings. I am not sure if my feelings will come across negatively or positively. My heart, after I have been thinking about something so petty and silly, is feeling somewhat confused. I have been dealing with a little anxiety today. Truly! And overa petty thing. All becausea friend of mine – seven years younger than me is always finding something to complain about. A lot of growing up is needed with this fine young woman. Because of the anxiety on the rise, I am getting fed up with the times I do hear complaints. Now, this petty little thing has nothing to do with me doing something silly or petty – it has something to do with one of my friends. Can you believe it? A friend of mine, seven years younger than me, wants to find something to complain all the time? Does not my friend have happiness in her life? Does she have to make other people miserable or does she have to be so complaining all the time which causes other friendships falter? I say no because finding something to complain all the time makes the person sound very unhappy all the time. Some people do have to find a life – with or without me. I have my own problems and complaints and I don’t need other people stomping on me all the time – using me as a doormat to wipe their feet on. I can only handle so much of one thing at a time now and then. Do I sound negative? Do I sound so horrible and do I sound like a complainer myself? Sometimes I need help, too.
All because of this friend’s pettiness, my other friend has written a letter to this other friend to give to her on Monday, and it sounds like my friend who wrote the letter is defending me as well as being straight to the point. I know now that this confrontation is going to take place on Monday and I am glad it is going to be over with real soon. My friend and I (the one who wrote the letter) are fed up about my friend’s attitude and demeanor and complaints. Fed up completely. I know I can battle through my own problems, but when anxiety raises in my life, there is no defending power left by the time I have gone through the anxiety…really…truly! I know, my other friend, who is going to be recieving this letter, is going to have a major blow up at work on Monday after coming across and reading that letter, but I have no control beyond that…only my friend who has recieved the letter does. Like I said earlier, my friend is seven years younger and does need to grow up a bit. Okay…a lot!
Excuse me for being so straight forward tonight. I have been keeping this inside for a long time since this pettiness has been going on for months now. All because of the pettiness and problem, I have grown closer to my frend (who wrote the letter) and her co-worker friend. I have to thank my friend (who is recieving the letter) on that on. Now I can fully understand why I am feel better being around people older than me and are the motherly type/figures.
I think now that my words are out and shared, I can probably have others relate to me. Who knows. Excuse me for sounding negative in today’s journal entry