Okay, usually I am full of pep on Monday, but today I wasn’t full of liveliness. DKF and her husband celebrated their second wedding anniversary today, so I did not have any services. It was not DKF’s day off that put me in a funk. The feeling of sadness started Saturday when I learned that MC passed away on February 13, 2020. My heart is still feeling sad. All I did was sleep off and on the couch, watch Murder, She Wrote, Dr. Phil, and then decided to go into my bedroom for the rest of the night. The sunset was at 5:30 PM CST today, and that gave me the idea to turn off the TV for the night and begin writing in my journal. When I write in my journal/diary gives me solace as the words going across the computer screen form into sentences, paragraphs, as my thoughts come out from my mind onto paper. Writing is something I enjoy. As far as what happened this weekend in losing a patient, I loved dearly; I will be okay. My life will continue no matter how I feel about losing a dear dialysis neighbor in the same pod. There are three pods with four chairs and dialyzers in each pod. Yes, we have twelve chairs. At one time, I thought there were fourteen chairs available, but I was two chairs off.
Tomorrow I will get back on track with my life.
Okay, I was planning on not writing about my thoughts and feelings tonight, but it looks like plans have slightly changed, as I sit here writing about my life today. It was one of those days. I did not have my IRIS worker MC come because I needed to have a day to myself. Yesterday, although dialysis went perfectly for me, hearing about a patient passing away had numbed me a little bit. I’m not particularly eager to cry in public when I need to. My sleep pattern seemed to be okay even though I did not go to bed until after 11 PM last night and woke up before 6 AM to begin my day. I felt the need to cry throughout the day because of the patient who passed away on Thursday, February 13, 2020, was someone I enjoyed seeing every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Now her presence is not going to be at the dialysis center anymore. I loved this patient with her attitude about life at the age of 84. She was an amazing woman. Her drive to make others laugh is going to be gone until another patient with the same attitude comes to the clinic. I go to the clinic with the right attitude myself, but I go because I need to have dialysis due to kidney disease. I am not the kind of person who feels life is over and cannot deal with what is happening. I want others to know that my life is not always a ripe bowl of cherries every day, but when I go to the dialysis center, I want to show that I have come this far in life for a reason. Today I had a broken heart, and I still want to cry.
The woman who passed away had the same initials as my IRIS worker MC. May MC, the dialysis patient who passed away Thursday, February 13, 2020, rest in peace. May God give MC’s loved ones the comfort they need during their time of grief and loss. Since May 7, 2019, I got to know a fine woman, and now I have memories of her to last the rest of my life on earth.
Now it is time for me to say good night.