Battling With Depression #1

Ever since I was 7 or 8 years old my life had gone downhill, my mother and legal father would argue everyday which is how I started to get depression. Fast forward to October 13, 2017; my mother finalized her divorce with my legal father after 3-5 years of being married. I was in 4th grade and it wasnt going well for me, i had to go to a new school after being accepted into the TAG program or as I call it the Talented and Gifted program. Basically all it was was just much more difficult work that my classmates and I had to do. 4th grade was not a good year for me, I had gotten in serious trouble a couple times which with one of them I ended up getting suspended for the rest of the school day and the next day. After I had gotten in trouble those times and finally had gotten a therapist which would be my 1st one after I now am on my 6th or 7th therapist which I am not proud about, they just weren’t the right fit for me. After I graduated 4th grade and went onto 5th the road started to get better for me but my depression didnt, it got worse and worse while I was soon to be diagnosed with anxiety which didnt help with the depression at all. My mother had gotten a new boyfriend who was extremely toxic who would verbally and physically abuse me. I soon started to become extremely suicidal because of that. Until one week in October I tried to commit suicide every day of the week, twice a day which till this day I will not tell my mother. Maybe a couple months go by and it’s now December of 2017 and I started to feel suicidal again and I started to cut every other day of the week for about 2 months until I eventually told my mother about how I was feeling so suicidal but I never told her about the self harm and attempts incidents. I was in the er of my town for a couple days and once they felt I was ready to be sent home I went home, still feeling extremely depressed but not suicidal. That would be my first er visit for suicide idations. But that will be it for right now. As I will continue on talking about everything and hope you guys will reach out to me and talk about similar experiences. This has been my first post by Haillie Boyd; date being March 13th, 2020. Goodbye and goodnight!