and so the day began…

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Nov 222017

with getting the garbage out to the curb
feeding the cats
readying myself to a trip to the lab for bloodwork months overdue…
5 test tubes later…
a trip to get my meds
and back home for breakfast and a nap.

then it’s up for that ever hating mammo and ultrasound
and an investigation of the mysterious lump on my ribs…

aging fucken sucks.
hoping it’s a lipoma.
may have to get a CT

so it goes, billy, so it goes.
i can’t. i just can’t bring myself to think about getting in the car and driving to Mom’s for thanksgiving tomorrow…a holiday which i’ve always felt a little uncomfortable about. i used to fast on thanksgiving back in my early 20’s in protest of the demise of native americans…
now? i just can’t bring myself to break bread with assholes that voted an asshole into the white house. assholes who actually called me “pro” abortion…WTF?!
i just can’t.
as a “me too” hashtag woman
as a person who loves this earth (land and all of its creatures)
i have a difficult time understanding the support of the abomination that sits in charge.

fuck it. i’ll be thankful as hell when someone puts a bullet in his head or he suffers a massive myocardial infarction.
listening to radiohead. kid a
swimming in those notes. in those in between places that send me back to 40. back to when i could have…
and now i can’t.
too busy buried in the muck to notice i was doing okay
hindsight baby, hindsight.

now. 12 years later… i’m just plain tired.
almost done with this semester. and i’m just tired.
and done. with the bullshit that is life. i wish i could just travel for a living. i want to go back to Italy. i want to visit Venice. i want to just lay in the sunshine and think about nothing.

future appointments. continuous meds. and i’m tired…
of all of it. it doesn’t matter. nothing matters. but somehow, i still keep waking up…