Sep 282009

i fell in love with you in 85
i ached for you in 87
i cried for you in 88
i walked away from you in 89
i almost forgot about you in 90
i found you again at the beginning of 91
i ran away with you in 91
i was crushed by you at the end of 91
i walked away again

i called you out of the blue in 95
i moved on in 96

forgot about you from 1999-2003

i’ve dreamed about you ever since on and off ’til now.

how can my heart still remember you? remember all of the raw emotion that you bring on, have brought on, and still do?

i cry for you. ache even.
i still love you. with nothing to do about it but get through that awful feeling that i’ll die without you. never have babies with you…or hug you…or talk to you again, knowing you are still out there.

i dream about you in 2009
and dream about you again…

when will it go away? or are you so buried inside of me, deep in my bones, in my mind. i sometimes can smell you or hear you talk…how do i move on even after i’ve moved on? you were/are my home. the truly safe place i’ve been looking for. even if i saw you again, i wouldn’t be able to say one word to you. because there aren’t enough. there aren’t any…that can describe who you are or what you’ve been to me.

i’ve almost gotten through the night…but the dark seems to always come…and you, you are the beacon…ever calling.

part II…

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Sep 262009
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Sep 212009

yourself. that is what i learned today. despite all of the hassles and worries that life throws at you… i hate to plug a ruthless company when it comes to worker exploitation, but nike had it right…

just do it.

there is no particular reason to hurl yourself off a platform 35 feet high to simply try to touch a ball suspended a few feet away from where you stand…

there is no particular reason to get hauled up 40 feet into the air, pull the cord and let yourself swing like a pendulum…stomach turning, lungs shouting…

i did it because…
…i am not a chicken
…i am not a quitter
…i am brave
…i matter
…i have what it takes
…i am fearless
…i do what i can
…i trust myself
…i test my limits
…i want to feel alive
…i can hand over control
…i am not what you think
…i can let it be

there is no particular reason to…than to just do it because…