it’s 10am, do you know who you are?

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May 262008
 

yes. i’m the girl who slept for only 2 hours and yet awake, ready to sit under the brooklyn sun. i’m the sore soul that keeps running into death to the point of numbness…then my weekend hits and i can be a sorry wuss and cry cry cry…
i’m the woman sitting on the train pretending to read, wearing earplugs pretending to listen, eyes diverted to the ground pretending to not care. i’m the female going through life changes of hot hormonal flashes and pms aches downing ibuprofen and cursing the gods, hot with mysterious anger and quick with a slam-you-down quip. i’m the exhausted nurse with a full ward under my care, a dryer on the fritz, no extra hands to assist, and a slice of cold pizza for dinner. i’m the new yorker, rolling my eyes at:
1) the slow-ass moving tourists taking up the sidewalk’s width
2) the a-hole cabs trying to beat the red light
3) the countless cellphone using nimrods who can’t walk and talk at the same time
4) the smokers who light up at the subway entrance
5) the dickweeds who walk their dogs with no leads…
~~~

i’m the girl mooning over sailors wearing their whites and shiny shoes…

May 162008
 

stay. you keep me indoors inside the glowy yellow thinking about the sad slow roll of traffic with heartbreaking red lights trailing behind.

ah heck, i lost the feeling…will finish this later!

yep. the feeling is gone. i should have just kept writing…it’s been a lazy kind of day…laundry, read a book, dust and comb out the cat kind of day. it’s been chilly. but i don’t mind days like today. sometimes it feels good just to cozy up in a comforter with a good book and waste the day away.

my arms are supremely sore (triceps especially). the gym i normally go to opened up a branch that is closer to my apartment. the new gym is pretty sweet…more showers, a really nice women’s locker room and most importantly, a spinning bike for everyone’s use!! i can go for a ride anytime i want!!! spinning bikes are much much better than the regular bikes at a gym because they are so much closer to riding a real bike. i love doing hills… tomorrow, i’ll get there early for a ride and some strength training.

i’ve been meaning to go see Ironman, hopefully next week.

currently reading: Pemberly
current music purchases:
Ultimate Otis Redding
Grover Washington Jr. Just the Two of Us and other hits
Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon

yes, it’s a mishmash. a few weeks ago i found Interpol’s Turn on the Bright Lights…for $11. what i still can’t find is Zeppelin’s Physical Graffiti. i can’t order anything from amazon.com because it’ll get stolen like the last time. (yes, unfortunately i live amongst thieves) and i can’t seem to find a decent music store around here. so, i’ll be forced to troll manhattan where i’m 100% positive i’ll find a good music shop (one that sells vinyls)…it’s sad though that Tower Records folded. there used to be a nice one in the village. they had a regular store that sold all types of music and one solely dedicated to classical (i believe). the computer has killed the album, the radio, the old small record shop… i used to go and troll this tiny shop in rockland county (tapeville usa). i bought all my REM records and tapes there. actually, i bought alot of albums there…there and at a little shop in brockport ny.

one thing about working overnight shifts. on my days off, i have to stay on the overnight schedule and often catch those annoying infomercials…there was one on tonight hawking 80’s music (ballads, pop, rock and dance tunes) lord, i almost bought it just for Spandau Ballet’s True. i love that song. it brings back a lot of good memories. alas, i did not make the purchase.
~~~

glad they are indicting that lady who set up that bogus myspace account that caused a young teenaged girl to kill herself. it’s about damned time law enforcement took cyber bullying seriously. people think that words can’t harm, that they can hide behind a computer and do whatever the fuck they want and get away with it because they live in another state or country etc.. a nice wake-up call to all of those dumbasses out there, and there are lots of them out there. i hope they lock her sick ass up for a long time.

*the great gig in the sky…

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May 102008
 

trying to find my life. i’m silently screaming yet eerily still…
~~~
and it’s back to the gym with serious determination. back to spinning class and weight training…chowing down on salad instead of ice cream, snacking on golden delicious apples instead of chocolate. get myself to the doc, buy a new pair of shoes and discard the old. stock up on new underwear, and buy some Otis Redding to get lost in that soul…

read up on emergency situations, get the old notebooks out and review, review, review…

drink more tea and less beer, medicate with glorius music instead.

because if i don’t get myself back, i know that i’m heading for…

and i guess this is what it is, it’s up and down, lost and found and lost again. it’s passing through so many colors and getting lost in the black. staying there for awhile and then somehow finding the strength to reach for the doorknob and get off of the floor.

*title is by Pink Floyd

May 062008
 

i’m dreaming work. i’m dreaming about lost cats and lidocaine. i’m dreaming about antiseptic and 3.0 nylon and propofol…

i’ve only got 2 minutes before it starts again. and i’m dragging my feet, my mind, my sad little body towards the shower. and how do you? how? how.
~~~
i miss listening to music all day
i miss dance class
i miss long gone friends
~~~