Dec 302007

ah well, it’s 2:39 pm and i’ve been up for 1 1/2 hours. it’s been a hectic and busy week at work…hence the catching up on much needed sleep. the cold or whatever it was is gone, now it’s just my body out of whack…everything hurts and i haven’t had a chance to get to the gym…i guess that’s just as well since rest is more important at this point than pumping iron. still, my body feels like shit.

i don’t like that.

another year almost gone and what have i done?

-i’m working at the toughest job, physically, mentally, and emotionally, i’ve ever had. and damn it! i’m doing it and improving day by day.

-i’ve managed to run 11 races this year (9 qualifiers for automatic entry to the marathon) i’m acquiring a nice running t-shirt collection.

-i’ve mastered driving on the cross bronx expressway, FDR drive, westside highway, through the brooklyn battery tunnel, and the BQE (brooklyn queens expressway) not too shabby for a girl deathly afraid of driving over 30 miles an hour on a skimpy philadelphia street just a few years ago…

-i’ve continued to visit my local library (with every apt move) and continued to read books and check out videos and dvds of classics (currently reading Eat, Pray, Love and have On the Waterfront cued on the vcr)

-i’ve survived the death of my beloved calico girl…but am still sad about it and still miss her. so does orangehead.

-i’ve managed to get the professional respect of a bigwig colleague that, at times, instilled the fear of god in many others, proving the simple fact that if you show some honest respect, you get respect.

so, what does next year have in store? what should i work on? what resolutions are there to make?

-make one good friend to hang with outside of work (this isn’t easy in a city like ny).
-keep active in order to keep mentally sharp and emotionally confident.
-do something for pure pleasure (take a dance class or art class)
-work on becoming professionally accredited in the specific department i work in.
-begin research and planning for a trip outside of the US. the only country i’ve always wanted to visit was Italy. great art, food, and weather.
-learn to scull and perhaps ski…(although i have no skiing equipment…and it’s a dang expensive sport)
-one day open myself up to love again, because right now, my heart is shut up tight.

we’ll see how this all fares out next year…


all is calm…

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Dec 242007

here alone with ms. orangehead. somewhere up north there’s a party going on with lots of food, drink, and merriment… but, i get to spend christmas eve and day here with my kitty. i’m on call…therefore…on the 24/7 hospital leash should an emergency arrive for which my services are needed.

it’s alright though. i did get to spend yesterday with my mom and i finally got to see my nephew (who’ll be 2 in Feb.) what a doll he is. such a beautiful boy–well behaved and very kind.

so, while it’ll be a quiet night (hopefully, unless i get called in) it’s okay. i’ve got candles burning, tuned into cd 101.9 (nyc’s smoothe jazz station that’s playing christmas tunes), and a nice cup of tea. just finished dinner (Mom packed a nice goody bag for me filled with her home cooking) and my nephew (the budding pastry chef) packed some homemade cookies (that are so dang good, he should sell them to the bake shops). i’m relatively safe, warm, cozy, my kitty is safe, fed and warm. i’ve got what i need and i’m grateful.

all is bright…

Dec 212007

spent pretty much all day indoors. i haven’t been this sick in a long time. i’m hoping i don’t have an infection…my chest is hurting. hopefully, i’ll be feeling a little better tomorrow. we’ll see if i’ll be able to make the drive to Mom’s house… if not, it’s to the doctor.

a good friend of mine sent me a wonderful package a few weeks ago. included in the package was the double cd Instant Karma, Save Darfur (covers of John Lennon songs done by U2, Flaming Lips, Matisyahu, Corinne Bailey Rae..etc. etc.) My absolute favorite is Snow Patrol singing Isolation…they have a haunting wintry sound to them.

this year i purchased Gap “Red” gear for the kids. Good gifts with a cause. i’m tired of giving gifts without a conscience.

i received the best christmas card i’d ever received from a co-worker. it blew me away…gave the ole confidence a much needed boost.

currently reading Eat Pray Love. a pretty easy and enjoyable read.

still battling the holiday blues…what else can you do but get through the day and wait for the next. keep doing, being, hoping. believe that everything will be alright. another year ending and the ugly little fear of being alone rears its ugly head. maybe it’s not being alone but not having someone that cares for you…(someone besides family and friends), perhaps that’s the truly depressing part.

i took it to heart. i believed the forever and x’s and o’s at the end of sweet letters. i believed the long drives across an entire state, the long phone calls, the corny poems written on sloppy notepads…i believed…love is a precious little creature that should be respected and cherished, not abused.

ah well.

i’m getting tired. must lie down and try to get some sleep.
take care, be safe.

i knew it would come…

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Dec 192007

and come it did. i’m heading for a wicked cold. and at this point, it’s just as well. it’s better walking through the day in a sick kind of daze.
i just want the holidays over and done with.
why can’t it be june?
it’s 11:20 pm and i should be sleeping but i’m feeling a little awful yet wide awake. this is a pretty pointless entry isn’t it? c’mon. be honest. yep. it sucks i know. i just can’t help it where i’m at, at this point. it’s the holidays. they depress me. they pretty much always have. not sure why but this year is no different. being at the very beginning of a cold just makes it a little worse. i’m burned out and emotionally tired. okay. i’m heading for bed, trying to write isn’t working…