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Sep 282007

marrow aspirate will let me know how invasive the cancer is…

how? how do you end a life? i can understand when, but how? i see it at work, i see the tears, the grief. the lifeless dog or cat eyes, the purple/blue to grey gums…

how do you get past the weight of the body as you place it with care in the bag? or as you carry the urn to an owner? this was max, this was tiger…

how do you climb over the second you say goodbye, to the next second which carries the ceasing beat of a heart?

today, i finally let the gravity of the situation break me down. crying rinses my soul, but it doesn’t stop it from aching. i’ve seen this scene many many times and mostly from the other perspective, now it’s me and hopefully, someone from the other perspective will be there with me for the support i’ll need.

be kind to and love your pets.

Sep 242007

i was told that my cat has small cell lymphoma. biopsies from an endoscopy done last week yielded this prelimary report.

what can i do but get her treatment and buy her some time.

Sep 212007

i’ve got three days off. i can put that other bookcase together now. i can take naps! i can sit on my ass and not do one damned thing.

i’ll be heading into manhattan this evening to meet up with some people.

what a far cry from being in philly.
i’m tired, in the worst possible physical shape i’ve ever been in, and YET…

i’m pretty content…happy even. 😉

just goes to show how when you stop living for the “relationship” for the “boyfriend” for the “stereotypical future” society suggests a woman should want/have… life unfolds itself to be pretty darned good.

one down…

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Sep 172007

one to go. finally, the ole bookcase is up, now i just need to get the other one up. it’s nice to finally be able to see my books. ‘course, it’s 11:15 pm and i got home from work at 10pm, and there’s no way in hell i’ll even attempt to put the other one together…mostly because i’m still dog tired but also because i’m kind of sore from lugging both 40lb+ boxes up and around the block and up the steps. i guess, though, i’m not in as bad shape as i thought i was…

spent the entire subway ride home feeling nauseous, nodding in and out of sleep and annoyed by this woman who just wouldn’t shut up! sometimes, women need to learn that it’s best to just zip it.

and zip now, i will. ciao, goodnight, amen.