now…

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Oct 292006
 

i’ll soon get showered and dressed
step outside, get in my car and drive to the train
walk to other trains that’ll bring me to other places

but i’ll still be the same. looking for something other than now. other than here. looking back to when…train rides were different, days had more color, and you were the one…

it’s 2pm now…soon to be three. and somewhere buried in the colorful fall madness that is upstate ny, is the past too busy being present, oblivious to the now where i sit.

Oct 162006
 

it’s gone.

cbgb.

only went there once, okay twice, once to apply for a waitressing job that i didn’t get and the second time to catch the Psychedelic Furs. now it’s gone, and there you go. there is no defining music or band for the 2000’s. every other era had its “represent”. the only thing that’s dominated the 2000’s is a crappy government run by a crappy president.
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my body can’t make up its mind whether to be sick or not. i’m catching up on sleep, but i feel awful at times. i’m thinking it might be allergies… something that i’ve never really had a problem with until about a year ago. so, i’m doing the eyedrops for now, and staying away from OTC meds.
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watched The Forgotten last night. tried to watch it 3 times, each time falling asleep… finally got through the flick and it was okay, nothing that great. looking forward to watching Hero by Tarantino and Sophie’s Choice. i haven’t watched a lot of the classics so, i’m playing catch up. cross off the list Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, and Dr. Zhivago…
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it’s after 1pm, nap-time. i’m an old-lady now and i need all the rest i can get to keep up with all of the young whipper-snappers out there.

ciao!

Oct 152006
 

quiet and hazy blue but you don’t get to enjoy it. hold your breath and ignore the hands holding you under. it’s short but you’re tethered and you ain’t goin’ nowhere…

a lifetime. or maybe 15 years. to say i’m sorry, i don’t want you, and the most powerfully liberating word called no…

when the hands leave, give up, move on, go home, up you float quietly wondering if there’ll be anything solid to grab onto, something less dangerous than tragic love…

night-air hits your lungs and your eyes reflect a million stars, you flip over and head for shore with purpose, direction, strength, and ability to hold your breath long after they’ve moved on…

Oct 132006
 

i’m sitting here, wide freakin’ awake, listening to Bjork’s greatist hits cd. doing a little research on the use of hydrogen peroxide as an antiemetic for small animals and freezin’ my tuchus off. sure. it’s still Fall. temps are supposed to drop by friday evening, but they’ve seemed to have gotten a head start in my little apartment…

bring on the dancing horses.

my head is slowly retrieving bits and pieces of information long filed and unused. it’s a game of catch-up. i’m about a good 5 years behind, but i’m working at a steady pace and i’m patient and hopeful as hell…

i’ve had my morning cup of coffee (3:30am) and bagel. my body’s still confused, heck, i think the cats are confused as well.

tell me how freakin’ weird…i’m listening to accuradio (80’s alternative station) since the rechargeable battery on my discman crapped out and what just started playing but echo and the bunneyman’s “bring on the dancing horses”.

scary.

~~~
i’ve fallen in love with john cusack. watched Hi Fidelity. how can you not love this actor? pathetic, tragic in a humorous kind of way… there’s a little lloyd dobler in every character he plays. i suspect there’s a little lloyd dobler in mr. cusack. so…hug hug, kiss kiss. finally got my hands on Life As a House (kevin kline, kristen scott-thomas,etc.) good little flick. still haven’t watched, Motorcycle Diaries or The Company. will probably watched those tonight. Was going to drive home yesterday but will probably head down the end of this weekend.

(if only my driving instructor could see me now, i’m taking on some crazy-assed roadways. i have to laugh at how going 20mph used to freak me out.)

fall tv, i must say, looks promising. hours at worked changed and now i’ll be able to watch Grey’s Anatomy and ER, but now i’ll miss Heroes and Bones. c’mon Joss, come up with another buffy or angel already!!!!

~~~
if anyone knows, where did Sezrah go and where the heck is Moonman???????
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i’ve been reading old entries and i have to say that there are a heck of a lot of obscure entries. 😉 but, heck, i’ve been writing here since 1999 (‘course i deleted about 400 entries a while back that i still regret doing). i guess i’m allowed to be as obscure as i want to be at this point.
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it’s almost 6am. do you know who you are?

night is day

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Oct 112006
 

out. loose into the city night. i see the lit windows of skyscrappers. walk past the cityfolk wearing pretty clothes and beer. i slide past scenes of men with their best girls, oldladies walking their dogs…

me. i’m sporting navy blue and ray’s, folded in half with the paperplate, thinking i’m where i should be…i’m where i am.