kill me now

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Jun 302005

for the saga of the soul-sucking job continues…
and my coping skills are nil

at this point i’m praying for a miracle
at this point a safe falling on my head would be welcomed

because it breaks my heart, my soul, my hope when i find myself in a situation that is worse than burning in hell.
it’s only day 4 of fulltime work now and already i’m at the brink of a nervous breakdown. and it pisses me off because morons shouldn’t have this power over me.

it’s like the asswipe who cuts me off on the road toting a freakin’ Jesus Blessed blah blah blah bumper sticker. apparently road manners aren’t inclusive in Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor…

do these folk have ANY clue?

so far:
i’ve had a ball thrown at me while driving and 2 firecrackers (lit i might add).

-is there any correlation between teen deaths and learning bad driving behavior from their parents????

-does everyone wake up and take stupid pills first thing?

-is there a fucking quota for annoying your co-worker until he/she hangs him/herself in frustration?

-and most importantly…why in the hell does the cleaning staff continue to steal the doorstop to my office??? i’m presently on #3… (these, i might add, are the same folk who get all gussied up for Sunday services at their local church and praise God all the while ignoring all of the misdeeds they do) do these folk think God is deaf, dumb and blind? can they appreciate the hypocrisy in which they live their lives? will they continue to horde doorstoppers?

-all of this meaningless shit… is soul-sucking.

Jun 292005

live 8 is this weekend, and the only acts i’d be willing to put up with 1 million people for is the dave matthews band and def leppard (i am afterall a child of the 80’s). i’m debating… do i go into the city or not…

it’s a sucky line-up.

although stevie wonder will be there, and i like him too…

something tells me to stay home and far from the madness. security will be tight, it’ll be hot, and there is bound to be stupidity lurking…just waiting to cause problems.

why oh why can’t i be close to hyde park instead of the museum of arts?

ah well, i still have to catch up on sleep and cleaning and begin studying for the exam. it’s still up in the air, but most likely, i won’t go.
i’m giving myself a week to relax and be totally lazy. i go to work, go home and sleep. watch a little tv and sleep some more. by the middle of next week, i should be donning the running shoes again and going to the gym. i don’t exactly feel fat, just unfit. and that’s an awful feeling. it makes me a little cranky.
i need to go bookcase shopping. too many books and not enough room. perhaps this weekend.
june is almost over. the month must have been wearing hermes wings.

more guns less cookies

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Jun 272005

first there were massive cuts in money for public libraries across the country, now cuts are pending for Public television and radio programs. absolutely a sad statement on today’s society when awful programs such as fear factor and extreme makeovers stay afloat and quality television (usually stuff you don’t find on network television) goes the way of the dinosaur…

Help NPR, Big Bird, and Oscar the Grouch

Jun 242005

how do i work this?

it’s done, over. i can now scratch off another big goal on the do-to list:

I’ve completed school

and you may ask yourself, where does that highway go to???

and i’m on a long stretch of highway and i’m waiting for the signs to lead me to where i belong. it’ll be a while ’til i have the degree in my hand, i’ve got a huge tuition bill buried under piles of notepaper, junkmail, and tons of handouts from the coursework.

i made it through pathology
i made it through the driving
i made it through the doubts and fears
and still
there are more doubts and some fears, i guess they never completely go away. perhaps that is what keeps me on my toes, or pushes me to be better, learn more, remember more, go over the many many things i didn’t get right.


i finished.

next big step is getting my licensure
and finding gainful employment in my field of study.

i may just go home and have a beer. and perhaps, finish unpacking boxes from 3 months ago.

life is a journey isn’t it.

thank you to all the bovine, caprine, porcine, and especially equine souls that helped me learn and care.

Jun 162005

i could say that it pissed me off… when really it was a disappointment. during an excursion today with some students, i sat quietly in the back seat next to a young woman in a car driven by a guy and his buddy. the conversation was about NY and being a New Yorker… the young woman had stated that several people become surprised and are in awe when she says she’s lived in the Bronx.

then…she goes into this entire stereotypical schpiel using an exaggerated Hispanic accent about long fake nails and blah blah blah, i tuned her out when i first heard the accent…

yes. it certainly got my goat. i think, GOD DAMNIT! then, i think, perhaps i’ll embarass her by asking her a couple of questions in Spanish… i opted to just keep my mouth shut.

people are people. they don’t think that there might be a person sitting next to them that might belong to the particular group they’re making fun of. they don’t think. they assume.

assume that they know what someone who lives in the Bronx is like. they assume they know what Hispanic women are all about. it’s all cut and dried for them.

well, get this: i like Radiohead and Celia Cruz, i love John Irving and Maurice Sendak, i’ve owned a Lounge Lizards vinyl, i’ve danced with members of the Limon dance company, i’ve run a marathon and trained by myself. i’ve done the cross country trek from NY to Cali and back… i’ve practiced IM injections on gerbils, i’ve put jugular catheters in horses, i’ve taken 2 semesters of German and know Spanish (read and write too), i’ve aced hematology exams, i’ve sized mens and women’s rings and learned other benchwork jeweler’s do. i can carry 14 stacked dinners, i can sling hash and rattle off orders in lingo you’d never be able to decipher unless you were the cook. i’ve dated dutch englishmen, irishmen, germans, and more irishmen…hmmm… i’ve gone to gay weddings, straight weddings, and stayed away from having a wedding…a damned smart thing to do… i have published poets as my friends, i’ve sent postcards to prisoners in other countries, i’ve gone from a C- average in histology to a B+ (he wouldn’t give me the A i earned because he said it wouldn’t be fair, go figure)
i’ve been shoved around and still not broken. lied to and still remain fairly honest.
ah. screw it. hopefully one day, she’ll realize that the girl that sat next to her that day, was Puerto Rican, and a lesson will be learned.