Apr 292005

i never knew, i always knew, i am new…

i’ve gone around the corner, been around the block, gone up that long steep hill, fallen down the slippery slope…

i’ve stood in the dark, i’ve dwelled in lost, couldn’t see past my hand, small steps that go nowhere…

hand over my mouth, words stuck in my throat, lumps of hot anger, cold rock of alone-ness, endlessly repeating number 1…

i’ve punked out, discoed on, rocked heavy, string and woodwinds whispering by…

i’ve been high, seen colors and walls move, let the chardonnay dig deep into the mellow, let the cuervo unshackle the red-headed harlot that lives in every single girl…

i’ve loved much, hated few, haven’t lived enough, but done plenty…

is this me? now? is this steady? is this contentedness i taste, a comfortable settling….of bones, of mind, of body, of soul.

“today I don’t need a replacement
I’ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
my heart going boom boom boom
hey, I said, you can keep my things they’ve come to take me home”

peter gabriel


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Apr 252005

and i’m tuned in, as weary as i am. and so far gone. an unforgettable fire, 20 years and still not out. too soon, too soon… you were right of course, and now i’m feeling the weight of those words.

“and if the mountains should crumble
or disappear into the sea
not a tear, no not i.
stay this time, stay tonight in a lie.
ever after is a long time”


and if i could think straight, i’d find better words, solid and lasting, heavy and sharp enough to punch through to where you are.

Apr 232005

you’re tired when:
1. you fall asleep at the wheel while waiting in rush hour traffic (only one second folks… don’t worry)
2. you fall asleep sitting at a huge meeting with tons of your peers around.
3. you put your head down at your desk at 12pm and wake up at 5pm.
4. you fall asleep standing up.
i was going to go food shopping after work today, but the hell with that. i’m going straight home, putting my jammers on and hitting the sack. i’ll do whatever needs to get done tomorrow…



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Apr 222005
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Apr 192005
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