Dec 302001

how beautiful the moon shone last night. her bright fingers lifted my chin and i could see through the blinds her quiet loveliness. why can’t everything be as real as the moon? why is life sometimes a game of cat’s cradle, severing heads and hands and hearts?

chubby robin couldn’t fly. sometimes i feel like God’s chess piece, he moved me to be witness to the injured robin safely crossing the always busy street. one tiny victory sent me home less burdened…sometimes i feel it’s a game of hot potato and i’ve been partnered with atlas. he’s got two left feet.

i wake up in the morning. i’m still here. so, down to the little farm across the street, to buy bananas, oranges, and golden delicious apples… cauliflower, plum tomatoes, and little carrot sticks…i’ve neglected my body how the heck can my soul work right? i’ve neglected the tai chi i’ve learned, i’ve neglected my soul searching sitting still…

i’ve filled my life this past year with roller coaster romance, coming and going, and cleaning dog butts. it all is a blur now, fast forward button pushed down, never paused. i’ve entangled my sense of reason in work’s petty web, i’ve dodged the door i’ve closed to God’s muffled back and forth steps…

Dec 272001

on my pajamas

red ribbon on her 2 yr old curls

smiley face dimples colored across white paper

star stickers on my head

chocolate icing

on my fingers

walls echoing laughter

from 9 squeezed in tight ’round the tree

8 chairs here, 4 chairs there

elbows dirty dancing

pass the mash potatoes please

tin foil for the kitkats

they like christmas dinner too

little girl hands raised for the aunty pick-up

older experienced hands wrapping ’round my face

for the daughter loving

and one balancing tear

for goodbye, mom & dad


Dec 212001

is like always going home…all the shut-tight words spill out like the morning coffee on the surface of my desk…

and this is what it is. today is today. today my sutures are tight, hand-tied knots to stop the spilling of my guts.

suck up the gut, reach in the billfold, buy a little bit of happy bottled in mango shower gel, wrap the wordless i love you, with screaming silver ornaments, tie the gorgeous sorrow with exclamation red bows…

why should i feel guilty for giving today? i feel good that you feel good for having received a glorious box…who cares if santa wears a fake mustache and vinyl boots, or that the masses celebrate a little one’s birth? a coat is a coat is a coat for a cold one far away…a toy is a toy and what child can resist? the shiny fake hair or cocoa brown eyes, plastic hands always willing to shake hands, or share a make believe cup of tea?

sometimes my world is small, blinders at each eye, sometimes my world goes beyond seas. my little wrapped gifts may not change the world, but they change and heal me.

one little pebble eventually makes roaring waves…


You realise the true meaning of Christmas and try to avoid the commercialism.

Christmas Tree: 0/50 Snowman: 2/50 Santa Claus: 10/50 Reindeer: 11/50 Mistletoe: 15/50 Star: 25/50

Take the What in Christmas Are You? test by webkin and aaronr!

Dec 182001

as a friend!

what the?

ah well, i could go on to list the things i’ve said that were the cause of this termination, but why bother? i obviously hit some nerves. well, dammit, that’s what happens when people bad mouth the pope and one of my favorite cathedrals.

-womens rights include being treated nicely by boyfriends, brothers, fathers, etc, not just by the church

-abortion rights are nice to fight for, but dammit, guys shouldn’t be asses when it comes to putting a condom on either

-the church doesn’t own exclusive rights to gay bashing….i’m afraid that there are many many people from all walks of life that gay bash.

i love it when people who have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, minority, or gay…how they shake their tamborines the loudest…

enough! i’ll slink away with my friendship pinkslip…